Wearing

I made this cute hat the other week. I love the soft lavender color. It's also my first crochet hat that I've just made up on my own without following a pattern or anything. It was easier then I thought it would be.

Lately I've been leaning more towards crochet work then knitting. Crochet just makes a lot more sense to me right now. I don't even know why. I'm sure I'll return to knitting, and I do still dabble in it, but I've been crocheting up a storm this month. I've just been dreaming of totoro hats and maybe a pikachu hat and probably something that resembles a strawberry for your head...(or for your hands? I have not decided) anyway, the possibilities are endless!

I also hand dyed this awesome shirt at my tie dye party (two? three?) months ago. I never got around to wearing it until today through. Funny how that works out. Can I just tell you that I love it?

And yes, I'm still enjoying my cute bouncy haircut. It's growing out well. I shall re-cut it into the same design come spring, through. Because it totally suits my face and my fashion sense.

I hope you guys are having a good fall. Here is to some snow next month, yes? I honestly don't know if I'm ready. Fall always ends to soon.

The Dicotomy of a Blog Post

These are some deep feelings I'm about to attempt to explain in the next few paragraphs. I am not sure if I even understand the give and take read and write symbiosis of blogging.

I know a lot of people accuse bloggers of writing things to get followers, or writing things to get attention. Like when a blogger (such as myself) chooses to post about something extremely personal. I'll see comments like "you only wrote about this to get attention". Or my favorite "get over yourself, sweetheart". Usually I delete these types of comments (and I don't get that many), but recently it's got me thinking.

I don't want to write in a vacuum. I don't know any blogger who wants to write in a vacuum. The reason I have a blog and not a handwritten diary that I store on my shelf at home is because I like interacting with other people and forming online relationships. Furthermore, I enjoy raising awareness about many issues through my blog. Adding my voice and personal experience to issues that are important to me is fun. It's more then fun, actually. It's healing, wonderful, amazing, and interesting.

That's the give and take I'm talking about. It's like a pool. I write about my life. And I read about other people's lives through other blogs I follow. Take Mishmash, one of my favorite blogs. I read her blog because I like seeing through her eyes. I don't read her blog because I think she wants attention, and I know Michelle does not write because she wants attention. I don't know exactly why Michelle writes, but boy am I glad she does because her blog posts are some of the most literary pieces of enlightened humor that I've ever read. I've learned things about life from reading her blog. And you know what else? I feel like I've made a good friend too. My husband and I actually went up and met Michelle and her husband and hung out with her and it was one of the most awesome and fun days. She showed me around her city and boy was it confusing and I'm sure I stuck out like a awkward tourist with my camera and my million questions. Michelle was sweet and kind and well amazing, even when we both didn't know what to say to each other because I was like omg I'm meeting the amazing and awesome Michelle and yes I don't know what to say and I hope she likes me and does not notice that I am a flaming weird panda. It was that kind of day.

Okay, I think I lost track of my point somewhere. What I'm saying is every blog has a different agenda. Some want to reform the fashion world. Some what to make money. And yes, I'm sure there are bloggers out there that write for attention.

Personally, I write because I like sharing my story. And I hope you read my blog because you like hearing it. Or because you find it helpful. Or because you googled "sexy kitty girl" (actually, I take that one back. Those people only spend like half a second on my blog anyway. hah. Guess I'm wearing to many clothes for their taste.)

But there is this dichotomy, like I said. A blog isn't really a blog if no one reads it. All bloggers, I'm sure, enjoy the feedback they get from posts. And I myself enjoy the community of bloggers I've found here on this little corner of the internet. And I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to grow a brand or get more readers. It's when the idea of "getting more clicks" becomes greater then "creating good content and cultivate relationships" that I start to have a problem. I mean, we all know those blogs that get big and then are suddenly swarmed with ads, guest posts, and updates about all the amazing free stuff companies are throwing at them. Nothing turns me off more. I mean, I love a good review now and then, and I understand an ad or two, but the reason I come to your blog in the first place is to get to know you and hear your story and be a part of your journey. If you suddenly start to try and sell me miniature moose statues in every single blog post I can assure you I will lose interest quickly. And I won't buy a statue. 

Anyway, while I do like the attention my blog has brought to me, and the success I feel I have achieved, (I mean, I was on Good Morning America!! That was amazing!) I'm not writing for attention. I'm on a journey. I have thoughts, I have ideas, and I want to share them with the world. My blog has helped me both with emotional healing and in the area of friendship.

And I am so thankful for the opportunity to share with you all.

Crochet Watermelon Purse

I crochet this cute little watermelon purse, sewed on a zipper and even added a lining. I love it so much I promptly made another one.

This little crochet watermelon bag would make a great clutch or even a good gift. Enjoy, and download the written PDF pattern here!


What should I make next?

My Thoughts on Group Therapy

Once again, life has taught me that words I thought held a stigma or meant one thing actually don't really mean all that much. They are just, you know...words.

About six months ago I started attending a therapy group. I went out of desperation, because I was feeling low and really struggling with some things. A friend of mine sent me the information, and at first when I received it I was a little offended. She thinks I need group therapy? Whatttt???

I quickly realized she was just trying to help. And also that group therapy isn't a bad sort of place. Attending does not mean I am somehow broken, nor is it a blatant acknowledgement that I am unable to cope with life. (Note: I can't cope with life sometimes and that's okay...)

It's a place of healing. It's a place I've found others who are dealing with the same things I am. I'm not alone. All the women in my therapy have supported me in some manner, and I hope I also have supported them. They are wonderful living breathing women who are struggling with infertility, miscarriage and child loss, just like me. Their stories are wonderfully poignant and moving and I am touched that they have chosen to share them with others.

I went because I was bitter and searching and desperate. I found healing and a place of acceptance.

So if you are thinking about therapy, and if you are scared or feeling vulnerable--don't let that stop you. Go. We are all hurting, we are all experiencing disappointment and sorrow as we traverse this thing called life. We all make mistakes. And we've all been let down by others. There should be no shame in attending. Coming together, hearing stories of others who are walking the same path--it really helps. And I'm not ashamed, nor do I feel lesser in some way. I love my little group, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Now if only there was a therapy group for people "unable to finish writing a novel". Because I would also attend that.

Fall Wears

Fall really is a perfect time for wigs. They keep you warm, and don't feel as cumbersome as they do in spring or summer. I'm still in love with this lavender creation from Miss Violet Lace. It's holding up well, and considering I have no idea how to wash and restyle it, that is great news to me. I recently tried to straighten my pink wig I bought from her and I think I ruined it. We will see. I should have looked up what to do instead of just plowing ahead.

So I've been enjoying this wig recently. I love having colorful fun hair. And I love falling leaves. Everything is gorgeous right now where I live and I'm trying to soak it all up before the barren winter descends and absconds with all the color.

I have another thing to talk about. It's nano month, so that means everyone and their mom is writing a novel or talking about writing a novel. Remember when I was writing a novel? And I said I was going to finish it? Well, I can't. I mean, I don't know how. I'm stressed up to my eyeballs even thinking about it and I hate where I was taking it and I don't know how to go back and fix it and... I just feel frustrated and that I let a lot of people down. So yeah, there's that. Not sure what to do exactly.

I really want to finish but I just feel so stuck. I feel like I've lost connection with the hearts of my characters. And I don't want that.

In short, I'm giving up. Shelving the idea. For now. Maybe I'm just not ready, or maybe I'm trying to do to much (blog, youtube, take care of husband, wash my own socks and you know, all the other regular adult stuff...) or maybe it's just not meant to be.

And yes, if you must know, I have cried over it and I feel so torn. But what can you do?

Differances

I've noticed a few interesting differences in the way my husband I view the world. I wanted to put them down here because I think they are important, but I don't exactly know why. I don't know if it's because my husband is male, or the way he and I were raised or...just a reflection of the way today's world works.

Last week my husband and I pulled into Walmart. It was dark, and we found a parking spot near the back and went in for our things. On the way out with our groceries in tow my husband leans into the front seat, the car door wide open, his body half in and half out, searching for his iPhone. He even runs to check the trunk in case whatever it is he's lost was misplaced there. And this makes me really nervous. 

When he finally gets in the car I tell him tersely that he needs to get in quickly and not sit there with the door open. It's dangerous, I say.

He does not understand.

I am confused. My mother taught me to be very careful in parking lots. You look around as you are walking. You get in the car quickly and close the door and lock them before you search for anything. And you don't ever exit the car to check the trunk. It's dangerous and stupid, doesn't he know that?

I tell all this to my husband, wondering why his mother never taught him this. But he is looking at me like I'm crazy. I realize then that Brian does not have a fear of dark parking lots. Not only that, he is confidant in his ability to either fend off an attacker if need be--but he mostly thinks no one would mess with him. I mean, my husband is 6ft 2inchs. And male. Statistically he is probably right.

For some reason I thought what my mother taught me was universal. Or understood by people.

It's weird to think that my husband Brian does not experience fear or even caution in a dark parking lots! I know what that feels like. My husband does not.

And that's the thought of the day.

Crochet Collar Tutorial

Last month I made this crochet collar tutorial. I also made a video tutorial that shows you how to create the above collar (one of four collars included in the PDF file). I love these collars and honestly I wear them a lot. If you don't know how to crochet you can buy one in my shop for just $10. Enjoy!

Q & A #2

For my first Q and A I took questions from my blog. This time I decided to answer the most basic questions I keep receiving from my YouTube channel.

I really love doing these types of videos. It's fascinating to me that people are interested in my life, and well, it is also a subject I know a lot about! For this video I picked 10 of the most common questions I received almost daily on YouTube. Enjoy!


If you have a question for me, leave a comment and I'll cover it in the next Q and A video. These are fun!

I think I might love sweaters

Yes, today I'm going to confess my undying love for sweaters. Or what those in England call "jumpers". I feel like I could live in them. Just give me a sweater and pair of skinny jeans and a hot beverage (preferably tea) and a book and a snowy day...okay so I have a long list. But suffice to say I'd be happy owning a million sweaters.

This sweater is more like a sweater dress. Okay it is a sweater dress. I wear it with leggings because it's a very short sweater dress and on this particular day I didn't feel like showing my bum to the world. The world can thank me later.

Oh, and I also made the scarf I'm wearing in the first picture. If you want to buy one, they are in my shop.

I hope you guys are having a good fall. I am enjoying the season with wood fires and husband snuggles and...warm sweaters. God is good.

Knitting, Lately

I finished three hats recently!

First, I test knit Temescal for another designer. I love this stitch pattern--you use two yarns held together and she gives directions to use fingering or worsted yarn.

I also knit another Wilderness Hat. This is my 8th wilderness hat and my last one for awhile! I created one for each woman in my therapy group. I hope they love their hats as much as I love mine!

I also made a baby bear hat for a friend who is expecting soon.

What have you been making lately? I'm off to see what I will be knitting next.

I don't understand seasonal decorating.

I don't understand it. Every single holiday every single woman pulls out special "decor" for their house/apartment/condo. The "regular" decor is put away in boxes and the new color scheme is implemented with artful grace and enough packing peanuts to drown a three-year-old.

Except for me. I don't change my decor. I mean, it's just stuff on shelves. I don't understand this tradition and I sigh every time it takes over my pinterest feed. I don't care about welcoming in fall by changing my house to match the colors of the falling leaves outside my window. It just seems silly to put the perfectly good decorations I already have out into boxes and buy ones that match the season when the season is just going to change again. I don't need more then one set of useless, pretty crap for my house.

And during Christmas everyone (I mean everyone) seems to think that life is suddenly lacking in the red and green and glittery department--not only lacking, but also that it's their personal job to make up for this shortcoming of holiday cheer. Trust me, Walmart and Target display enough jolly Santa Claus and Christmas trees to make me never want to see those colors again, especially not in my own home. I think I might just crawl under my own bed from sensory overload at that point.

So can someone please explain to me why this is a thing, and why, when I mentioned I did not subject myself to this utter meaningless birthright in my women's bible study I was met with blank stares and outright looks of horror?

No thank you Walmart. You can keep your plastic autumn decor and your pumpkin scented candles and your sparkly lights. I like my living room just the way it is. 

And don't even get me started on how prevalent Christmas music is, and how much it ruins any and all enjoyment with the overplaying and the busyness and the cheer. I mean, I like Christmas. I just don't like it shoved down my throat every time I turn around.

Basic Glove Tutorial

I created a basic knit glove tutorial. You can view the video below or download the PDF here. These would look great in any color. Three different sizes (sm, med, large) are given so they will fit almost anyone! There are also two different thumb sizes included in the pattern.

Bread Revolution Review

I was happy to receive my next book to review from Blogging for Books! 

So this book has so much information in it I don't even know what to do with myself. There are recipes for making bread from scratch from grain to loaf, down to the detail level of how to cultivate and manipulate ingredients. It's simply amazing...sort of. For example, I can tell Peter Reinheart has devoted a serious portion of his life to playing with bread and baking.

As a extreme novice in the realm of cooking it was honestly just mostly overwhelming. I would only recommend this book to people who are looking to be master bread makers, or homesteaders. It's a bit much for me.

There are just so many recipes I don't know where to start! There are 6 gluten free ones that look really really yummy.

There is every type of bread imaginable in this book with precise, detailed instructions on how to make each loaf into bread perfection, in full colored full page pictures.

As I'm not a connoisseur of bread, this book was a way to in depth and over my head for easy use. It's probably something I might pull out in my late 30s, when I need another hobby, but it isn't something I see myself using regularly or even at all. I don't make things from scratch, and honestly the thought of making bread and it taking 8 hours sounds a bit much to me.

That does not mean this book isn't amazing, because it is. Just know there is a high learning curve.

Not my favorite book I've received for review so far, but that is certainly okay.