I realize all I've been talking about here lately is baby. Other things just aren't happening in my life right now. I'm experiencing one of those weird blogging moments where I'm actually living and not theorizing as much about my thoughts/ feelings/ experiences. I'm one of those hindsight people--life happens and then I sit down and think about it. A lot. However, baby keeps happening and does not give me much time to think. Hence, many things are going on but at such a rate I can't keep up and process them all into coherent sentences. Pregnancy so far has been a roller coaster.
I realize I'm changing. I realize my husband and I just went though one of the hardest things in our marriage. A time when I was basically incapable of taking care of myself and he handled almost everything on top of work. And I cried on him a lot. I won't lie, I was miserable. And let's not even talk about the sex. Actually, there wasn't any--so there isn't much to talk about. But I know it took a toll on our marriage. I mean, in the first trimester it's not that I didn't desire my husband. Sex just hurt! And that has never happened to me before in my entire life. I don't know what changed down there but something did. Luckily, the second trimester seems to have straightened things out more or less. We are still progressing. We are still moving forward.
Yesterday I had nausea again for half the day that made me so worried the whole last three weeks were a dream and I was going to be sick for another 6 weeks. But it was just for a few hours. Why? I don't know. Oh well.
How are you guys doing? I don't want you to think my life is all bad. I've been crocheting. I've been dreaming of buying baby things (and there are A LOT to choose from, ohmygoodness) and I've been thinking of names. I'm happy. But I'm learning and growing and changing so fast! I just want it to slow down so I can write it all out and process it. I'm a processor. That is one reason blogging helps so much. And I love the advice and feedback you all give me. I really, really do.
3 comments:
Are you keeping a journal? I know that blogging is kinda of a journal but I mean a real pen and paper? You should. I know it's hard but it will so help you think through all the stuff. So what if it comes out a mess. Just get it down. You could even let your hubby read it so that he can get a grip on what you are thinking/feeling. However that's your choice. Just an idea. Glad to know you are doing better. (I don't think the nausea will go away).
Just wanted to note that I am also a stay at home wife, english major (and bio), also trying to get pregnant for awhile, but scared at the same time...and your honest posts as you have muddled through the first trimester and now this next huge shift are actually really inspiring. I think, yes, it might be THAT crazy ( as everything I have imagined), but if you can get through it then so can I! PS love your blog! Many differences between us but so much in common too. My passion equivalent to your love of yarn, knitting, chrocheting, and outfits is cooking and baking 😊
Lol, yes so much in common amongst us all but so different too!!! I am so glad that I made you smile, as I know your blog has brought happiness to many people! On that note, yours was the first blog I found (the only one?) about being a stay at home wife with no kids, like me, and it felt SO good to have that validation that I wasn't the only person in the universe doing this! Of course your positive attitude and confidence in your own decision was really validating too. While it felt 100% right for me and my husband, to stay at home, as you have shared it was for you too, it is still kind of lonely or strange not having most people be able to relate. I could so relate to your post about that as well (I forget which one it was as I caught up on your posts from 4. Months in one sitting :). Anyways, thank God for the Internet and knowing that no matter what the particular trait, situation, interest, etc etc, no matter how "alien" we are (lol couldn't resist!), we are not the only ones for sure! And thanks again to the effort you put into creating and maintaining your blog! P.S. I am excited to have read that you are healthfully pregnant and wish you the best with that and with getting your pattern sales going!
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