Parenting Fears

I don't know if I worried or even thought about parenting before I suddenly sprouted a human. I honestly didn't even think much about kids before marriage. Well, my general thought was more along the lines of "why do kids smell? why are they so loud? why would anyone want to do that?" and definitely not centered around thoughts of my own munchkins, much less parenting fears.

Feel free to soothe my fears. Or relate to them. Or laugh at them. I mean, I am 38 weeks pregnant, so I have no idea if these are even legitimate things to be worried about. Also, they are in no particular order. Just stream of consciousness.

1. Talking to my kids about sex. Listen, my mom talked to me about sex. She did a few different times, at different ages. I never got the idea from her that sex was bad, or dirty, and I felt totally comfortable asking her questions. I've since talked to my mom about the many times she talked to me and she said she wasn't nervous at all! I'm so nervous. I don't even know why. I do know, of course, that I have to talk to my kids about sex and of course I will. (not talking to my kid about sex would border on child neglect I think!) I hope I can do so in a way that is both scientific, loving, and biblical like my mom. I also hope that my kid does not go around asking people if they have a penis like another little boy I know did after he figured out the difference between him and his sister. That was a very awkward Target trip. (but we handled it well, no shaming or badgering the kid for innocent questions.) Or another kid I know who proudly reported to everyone for a week that he, indeed, had a penis. Why are there so many stories like this? How can I make sure my kid isn't one of them?
2. On a less serious note, I also fear dealing with non-breastfed poop. Why can't babies use toilets? Breastfed poop does not usually smell and is water soluble, so easy to clean. When your baby starts eating solids it's a whole other ball game. I am not ready. Perhaps it won't be as bad as I think it is? 
3. Communicating to my future daughters and sons that they are beautiful but also being sure to help them understand that who they are is so much more than what they look like. AKA having good self esteem, and accepting who they are. I want them to feel beautiful but also know that it should not matter. Does this make sense at all? I don't know how to do this. I do know that not complaining about my own body is a good place to start!
4. I have a parenting fear of ever having one of my own children accidentally hear/see me and my husband having sex. I would die of utter embarrassment. And awkwardness. I'm sure I would traumatize them forever.
5. Child services. Okay, this one might be hard to explain but I read and hear so many accounts of parents whose kids are taken away from them for what child services thinks is abuse but isn't actually abuse. It freaks me out a little. I love my baby so much. Misunderstandings and people insinuating things scare me! I know child services exist for a reason, and I am sure they help many kids! But I know of a few people who have been badgered by them and didn't deserve it. 
6. Dealing with my kid throwing up. I can't even deal with myself throwing up. Ugh. 
7. Letting my child on the internet. So, I grew up with the internet. Or rather, the internet grew up with me. I know I need to teach my kids how to use a computer, but I don't think I would want them having unsupervised access to it as children. I want them to learn to be safe---the internet is a tool, a very good one, but there is a lot out there I don't think children should have access too, at least not right away. Figuring out the "give more freedom a little bit at a time" thing is going to be hard.

That is about all the fears I have right now. I know I am going to make mistakes, but I pray that my children can see my imperfections in a positive, growth kind of way and not as a downside. I am really excited about being a mom!

Mr. Adventure Says: Pregnancy Edition

(during the first trimester, when I was sick 24/7) 

Me: Why did you do this to me?!?!?

B: For science.

(In bed, one night)
B: I can't wait until you give birth and we can throw that pregnancy pillow away. It takes up so much space.
Me: I'll probably still use it after birth.
B: *looks sad*
Me: What?
B: You used to snuggle with me at night.
Me: This has better breast support.
B: I can do breast support...

(during the second trimester)

Me: Why did you do this to me?

B: because you asked me to. 

Me: That's no excuse! 

(on an early Saturday morning)

B: Want to make another baby? *winky winky*

Me: That is the most unsexy thing I've ever heard you say. (I was 24 weeks pregnant at this point)

B: aw *pouts*

Me: Seriously, that makes me want to call and schedule you a vasectomy.

B: I was hoping for a more positive, outpatient kind of reaction. Like kisses.

Me: Then you should do the dishes. *goes back to reading book*

(during the third trimester)

Me: Why did you do this to me...

B: Minions!!

(one day when I was feeling particularly horrible)

Me: You made me pregnant, now make me unpregnant. (humor helps me cope)

B: Alas, I do not have that power.

Me: *cries through her laughter* (it was a really bad day...)

B: But I can take you out to dinner!

Me: Yay!

Me: *waddling behind Brian in the grocery store* Hey, you are leaving your mammoth behind.

B: Did you just call yourself a mammoth? You're not a mammoth.

Me: Elephant, then. Walk slower for the elephant. 

B: O_o

(Many times, during gestation of all months)

B: You're eating again?!?

Me: *Stares at him while eating*

B: I mean, you sure look nice today. 

Me: Good save. 

(At Target)

Me: I need to pee.

B: But we just got here. 

Me: Yeah.

B: And didn't you pee right before we left?

Me: Yeah.

B: Woah. 

 (Last night)

Me: I am hungry

B: didn't you just eat dinner?

Me: that was like 2 hours ago.

B: okay. want some chips?

Me: no. I want ice-cream.

B: We don't have any ice-cream

Me: I must have ice-cream!!!!

B: okay....

*takes me out to fro yo*

Me: This is the most amazing thing I have ever eaten.

B: You said that yesterday.

(At small group)

B: Do you want to go camping?

Me: *gives him a look*

B: What? does that mean no?

Me: I am 7 months pregnant I am not sleeping on the ground.

B: awww....

Guess My Due Date!

On July 1, 2015 I will be considered full term! I'm so excited to meet my little one, and I thought it would be fun to run a giveaway around my due date.  The giveaway is for a $20 Target giftcard that will be sent by e-mail. Anyone can enter, and the contest will run until I pop! You can guess the same day as someone else, just pick a different time. The person who guesses closest to whenever Rueben makes his entrance (err, exit?) wins!

Just leave a comment below of when you think he will be born and I'll add your username/time to the list.

July 1:
July 2:
July 3:
July 4:
July 5:
July 6:
July 7: Brian Markey (3pm)
July 8:
July 9: Heidi Lynn (9am)
July 10: Beth (1am)
July 11: Carolynn Markey (10pm) (yes I get to guess too)
July 12: Brita L (4am)
July 13: Kristin (6pm)
July 14: Rachel G (2am)
July 15: Mom (3pm)
July 16: actual due date
July 17: Chancy G (8am)
July 18: Clara S. (3pm) and Michelle (3am)
July 19: Julie B (5am)
July 20: Rachel P. (9am) and Jane Eyre (9pm)
July 21: Breenah (8am)
July 22: Charlotte W (2pm) and Cliff (9am)
July 23:
July 24: (day of induction, no one wins...or I guess, Rueben wins)

Legal stuff: no purchase necessary, contest starts July 1 at 12am, and ends on the day and hour that my son is born.

Crochet Totoro

I whipped up this cute totoro for my son's nursery (when we get around to finishing it). It's cute and plushy and I love it. I can't wait to watch the movie with him when he is old enough. It's one of my favorite movies--I know he'll like it too!

I still have a few projects to finish before Rueben comes. Trying not to start on anything new until they are all done is really hard!

Style Virtuelle

I love getting surprises in the mail. I used to get that makeup subscription box whose name I can't remember (for like 3 months) because I wanted to try new makeup--I canceled it because I really don't experiment much and I was stockpiling makeup in colors that only a zombie would wear. Then I heard about clothing subscription boxes! I signed up for stitch fix first. Stitch Fix is a really high end subscription box, in my opinion, but I do love it. I will continue to subscribe to it, but, I can only afford to keep it coming every 3 months, being that each box holds about $200 or $300 worth of clothing.

And then a Youtuber I follow (she's so adorable) posted about a different clothing subscription box called Style Virtuelle--and S.V. was currently having a 30% off new business promotion going on. I don't know if it is fair to compare it to Stitch Fix, but since I got SF before SV, I can't help it. For one, SF only charges you $20 upfront, and after you receive your box you look it over and can decide what pieces you want and pay for them (my last box had 5 items for $250 in it, I kept two and paid $90 for two new maternity items and sent the other three items that I didn't like back).

SV is different. The way her website is set up is you pay a total up front. I believe I paid $110 for the level one box (she also has a higher end level two box ) and I received four items. I requested from her pieces for postpartum since I'm giving birth in a few weeks (ahhhh!) and wanted some new things to wear and I didn't feel like waddling myself to the store and trying to pick out things in my bloated state right now.  (I just want to stay home and eat chocolate covered almonds and stare at my newborn diaper stash...)

I received four items, a pretty dress (that is perfect for nursing), a orange shirt (I sent this back, so I don't have a picture of it because I forgot, like a noob) and a flowery top and a jersey skirt. When Rachel (the owner) receives the shirt I sent back, she will refund me the portion of my payment allotted for it--I don't pay for what doesn't work for me. My favorite thing was the dress. I didn't try it on, but I put it in my hospital bag to wear as my going home outfit. The skirt I love as well! It actually works well right now, and I plan on wearing it on Sunday. I love the shirt too, but since I'm still gestating a Rueben, I can't try it on. It looks like it will fit after he decides to stop rubbing his head on my bladder and come out to greet the world. I'm good at eyeballing clothing fit, usually.

Signing up for fun boxes of surprise clothing is fun. I can totally afford this box monthly (instead of every 3 months) and with a newborn (I'm sure I'll be house-stuck for awhile) it will give me something to look forward to! If you are interested in signing up, check it out here. Rachel (the stylist and owner) is really cute and sweet, she replies promptly to e-mails and she also has two adorable kids of her own. I plan on doing a review of the box monthly as well as a try-on video on my YouTube Channel (no video right now. I'm still planetary and it wouldn't really work well).

What do you think? I love clothes. I also don't feel like leaving the house, so, yay. Mail!

Pregnancy: the other side of infertility

Sometimes I feel really guilty for being pregnant. I know it sounds crazy, but after two years of infertility I really related to other women who were also struggling. Women who I know are still hurting. Women who wanted babies as much as me and who still don't have them, while I'm walking around 8 months pregnant.

I feel so blessed. Even when I complain, I feel that tightness in my chest that tells me I should just be grateful. Even if I can't poop and my feet turn purple when I sit down, at least I have a baby, right? Right?! Some would give anything to have what I have. Some have given so much of themselves and still don't have what I have.

I was in Panera Bread the other day all pregnant and stuff waiting for a friend, and a table of women next to me were comforting this other lady who was talking about her 20 week stillbirth, and how much she hates seeing pregnant women everywhere. And there I was...all pregnant. I wanted to shout that I understood, that after 3 miscarriages I know what loss is like and I know that heartache. But I didn't say anything. I just realized that I'm on the other side now. I'm one of those pregnant women. No one else can know my story by just looking at me. For all they know I conceived easily on my wedding night, or I might have 10 kids or something. It was a weird moment. I prayed for her and tried to be inconspicuous as you can be when your 8 months pregnant.

Being pregnant after infertility sure is weird. It's humbling and wonderful. Thank you to everyone who prayed for me, and who continues to pray for me. I pray for you too, and the tears come because I have what many desire now. And at times, that's a hard thing to cope with.

Finished my Lace Shawl

I finally finished my Through The Seasons shawl! It only took a few months and it was so much fun. I love it.

It's made with 100% knitpicks wool. It's soft and warm--not a summer item, but oh well.

This was a gift for my mom for mothers day. It was 3 weeks late, but oh well. She loved it!

I only have four works in progress going at the moment. I really want to finish all four of them before Rueben comes...we will see. I have like zero interest in them...I just want to make baby hats.

Twisty Cuffs

I was in the mood to make some fun crochet boot cuffs! These cuffs are made using crochet cable stitches. They are fun to make, and the video explains everything! The only thing is they were made for one size--so go up and down a hook size to compensate (sizing is explained in detail in the PDF pattern).

Enjoy these fun crochet book cuffs!


What should I make next?

2015 house tour

This year I filmed a house tour while pregnant! I wonder how drastic our house will change once little one arrives? Also, here is last years house tour!

Next year my house tour will include a baby...

How to Design a Crochet Pattern

I made two videos detailing how I design and edit crochet patterns. They were fun to make! I love creating patterns and I think that after almost two years designing my own, I have a good routine and would love to share my design process.

Enjoy these two videos detailing how I write my crochet patterns, from thinking of ideas to writing my PDF.




Happy crocheting!

Third Trimester Bliss

The third trimester is my favorite, I've decided. Even more than the second! Don't get me wrong, each triad of months has had it's own hurdles--but so far the third has been the easiest on me. During the first trimester I was reeling with sickness and nausea, unable to honestly move much and relying on my husband for everything. During the second I was hit with anxiety, a little bit of depression and a few panic attacks. In the third trimester I finally feel at peace about everything. Peace about birth, peace about being ready for a small human, and peace about my inability to manage my body. I feel like I've come full turn, to rely on God for everything--and try and prepare as much as I can.

My house feels ready, my body feels ready--I would almost call this impatience if I was interested in analyzing myself. I know everyone's pregnancy journey is different, but I can honestly say I am glad mine is almost over. Six more weeks! I can't believe it. I thought this month would never get here.

I am also loving the weather. Yes, I'm almost 8 months pregnant and I love this summer heat. I am used to being cold all the time. I hate winter. Being pregnant in winter was tortuous to me. I have a very low tolerance for cold. In the summer and spring I freeze when my husband turns on the air conditioning. I usually sleep in sweats all year round. But growing a human seems to have balanced my heat/cold awareness. For the first time I feel comfortable in the air conditioning. I don't freeze during church services. I can forget a jacket in may for an outing and not shiver. It's amazing. I love it. I don't overheat in the warm either. It just feels good to me. I know many people will find this odd, as everyone told me I would be miserable in summer. I'm not. I'm so happy and warm for the first time in my life.

Now, winter with a three month old I am not looking forward to. I am sure I will still hate the cold.

Also, yes my legs are swollen in these pictures. It happens. My feet only swell if I sit down for a long time. My legs are just...perpetually swollen. I'll live. Only a few more weeks. And it does not hurt. It just...is annoying! I've also gained 35 pounds at this point. I am not worried about it. I will work hard--my (non human-growing) goal weight is still 150 pounds. I know that I will have to give my body time to heal after birth, as well as time to return to whatever "normal" happens to be. I'll get there. Last week I weighed in at 188 pounds---10 more pounds more than I have ever weighed in my entire life. It's okay. I am sure I'll loose 10 at least for birth, and I am looking forward to zumba in a few months as well. They expect me to gain at least 5-10 more pounds before birth, too. Hearing that made me panic a bit, but it's all for a healthy baby. I do still walk, and swim. I stopped Pilates last week. Just wasn't feasible anymore. I was glad to be able to do that, at least, until 7.5 months.

How are you guys doing? Have a great day! I can't wait to show you pictures of my son.

How I make my YouTube videos

I've been making YouTube videos for almost a year and a half now! I love it. I'm no pro, but I have learned a thing or two in the past year, and I think my videos show a lot of improvement. Just watching some of my first uploads make me cringe... really! But it's the same with my very first blog posts from five years ago--I've certainly grown in that area.

This is how I make and edit my videos, as well as tips for beginners. Good luck!



If you have any tips for me, please leave them below. I definitely want to learn more about the wonderful world of YouTube!

Dinosaur Baby Hat

This adorable dino hat is, of course, going to be placed on my offspring. When he gets here. If it fits him!

This was a fun hat to make. Triangles are super easy, of course, and the hat is just your basic newborn hat with a bit of ribbing on the bottom!

You can download the PDF pattern here, or watch the video below!