Reuben's Birth Story

The story of my son, who was born on July 17th at 5pm weighing a whopping 10 pounds 6.1 ounces. I love him to pieces.

More Mitts

My mom requested a pair of mitts for fall, so I knit these the week before giving birth to Reuben. They arrived just in time for me to gift them to her before the lovely postpartum month descended upon me. I used handmade yarn from Fairy Tale Knits that I bought at a yarn fair. I love her yarn so much!

Then I made a pair of rainbow gloves for myself, using the same pattern and more Fairy Tale Knits yarn. I love these and they are so warm, bright, and awesome. I made these in the dreaded "postpartum" month, on and off while baby slept. It was nice to feel like I was doing something normal with my hands on my "down time".

Made anything lately? I am currently working on a hat. Baby naps are amazing things.

Happiness Mitts

I started designing these fingerless mitts when I was still struggling with infertility. And I finished them 4 weeks before giving birth to Reuben! I named them Happy Mitts, for obvious reasons they have the word "Happy" on them!

I love them. They serve as a reminder to always be content with the season of life I am in.

I knit happy mitts out of a alpaca/rayon blend yarn on 3.5mm knitting needles. I love the softness and the fun, kitchy pattern.

You can check out the written pattern here, or view the video tutorial on my youtube channel.

Who am I now?

I feel that I've lost myself. That somewhere between the hospital and home I shed my solitude and found myself suddenly a mother. And I am still trying to figure out what that is exactly.

So far I know--

being a mother is:

living in a constant state of flux and change

being at the demand of a tiny human who does not care that I have not showered lately, and who can't understand that I might, perhaps, need a water break now and then.

needing my husband x100

living on a couch for most of the day. and most of the night.

being cut off from a lot of my independence, at least for now

being stuck at home-- I know this is just a season, but still. I am not used to being a homebody.

sleepy. I am so sleepy.

Missing my husband--I miss him so much. We can't just drop everything and go out to dinner. It's more like my husband opens the fridge and stares at me in horror because he realizes I'm holding a tiny human and once again he will probably have to cook. I've eaten too much burgar king.

(I'm going to start cooking this week)
(help)

I miss making videos. I miss knitting! I miss being able to have peace and quiet while I fold my laundry all in one sitting without having to stop to pick up a tiny distressed human.

Most of all I feel like I'm loosing myself, like I've already lost myself. I'm someone else now. Or, rather, my priorities and time have shifted drastically. Also, a person came out of my body. Can we please have a moment of silence for my uterus? I'm still in shock over birth. I'm still processing, but things won't slow down--Reuben will be four weeks next week and I still am sitting here thinking a human came out of me.

Lately I am re-learning how to do things. It's like puberty, but worse because instead of thinking the world revolves around me and looking forward to having boobs, I've suddenly realized my son is growing up and I can only watch helplessly.

A lot of being a mother is feeling quite helpless, at least right now. My husband refills my water. My son cries and I try to soothe him. I am so tired. I miss creating things.

But God is still good.

Nursery

Yesterday I cleaned the bathroom. I've never felt more accomplished in my life. I mean it, this had feels on the level of the day I graduated from college. I deserve a medal. A cash award? Then, since the baby was still sleeping I even took the trash outside and hosed down the very dirty trash can. I felt like a super hero.

However, yesterday I had a baby that decided he didn't want to sleep at night. Yay, me. This better not be a phase. Maybe just a one time thing. I pray.

We don't have a nursery per say. Yet. My husband is working on it, and since he wants to clear the spare room himself, I am waiting on him. So, we have babies clothes in the bedroom, as well as the cosleeper--and the changing table is in the living room. When little baby wakes up I go in the living room to change him and nurse him and then go back to bed (well, sometimes I fall asleep on the couch) so I don't wake up my husband. He has to wake up early to go to work and can't sleep all day like I can.

Today is my first day alone with baby. My mom went back to work yesterday and my husband went back last week (but he took thursday and friday off, so he only worked three days last week). Today I also have to manage cooking dinner as well! I am planning something easy with ground beef. Wish me luck, and hopefully little man will have a nap time around my cooking hour.

This week he has stopped screaming when I change his diaper and when I put clothes on him. It's a miracle! And now I need to go change his diaper. See you all later!

Doing Things

Reuben is two weeks old yesterday! He already looks different from his newborn photos. And I no longer look 9 months pregnant, but I still look 4 months pregnant. I want my waist back, please. They say it takes 6 weeks. I'm still wearing my maternity clothing. My boobs are so huge they don't fit into any of my nice summer dresses. Also, breastfeeding. How do you do that in a dress?

There really is nothing to report. He sleeps, and poops, I change him and feed him. He's cute and I love him. I can't wait for him to grow up. He has so much hair. And such cute clothes. And I found a way finally to put him down. He loves to be placed on his belly (don't worry, I make sure he can breathe). He's a belly sleeper!

Also he has a rash. His doctor says it is an infant rash and nothing to worry about, but it sure freaked me out when I first saw it.

I literally have nothing to say lately. I thought I would have all these emotions and ideas but I've only been in reaction mode. It's so different then I thought but still just as wonderful and hard and amazing.

I am learning to do a lot with one hand. Today I made lunch for the first time since I gave birth (hah cooking) and I burned the rice. Cooking and watching a baby is crazy making.

How are you guys doing? I'm sure I'll have something for this space eventually, but right now I just want to sleep and take a million pictures of my newborn's toes. Did you know he makes little contented kitten noises when he sleeps? I'm hooked.