Feelings

It is a fact that my body is not the same as it was before pregnancy. This is a fact that I have to accept but honestly it bothers me almost every time I look in a mirror. I am not one of those people that thinks pregnancy destroys bodies. Pregnancy changes bodies, as does life. And everyone's body reacts differently. Mine had, according to my doctor, a rather extreme reaction to the 10 pound 6.1 oz human I expelled in July.

I have been trying to work hard to change my body. So far nothing really has changed, but it's only been 6 weeks that I have been exercising, and 13 weeks since I gave birth. Also, juggling working out and a small human and household chores and self care and all the other things I want to do is hard. Specifically since I either must put small human down or have my husband hold him while I exercise. Small human has opinions about being put down, and daddy is tired . Just like I am tired. So I don't get to it many times and, obviously, this makes me feel even better about myself. Not.

I try to make the best of it. And the thing is I don't feel ugly, so don't leave me a comment telling me I look great or beautiful or something, because I do feel pretty. I just also feel fat and lumpy. I was just so sure that breastfeeding would help me lose weight. I was so sure I'd have energy to exercise. I was also sure that I had the will to stop myself from eating 3 muffins in the middle of the night when up with Reuben.

I think the one thing I've learned through the whole pregnancy and birth and 4th trimester is that I really need to stop having expectations. Help.