I have come to realize that Brian and I
have completely different desires for the weekend. I, worn out from
my long lonely sojourn mothering small children, am completely
touched out and crave time alone. He, after being closeted with
coworkers from 8-6, wants to spend time with his wife and family.
The ignorance of this revelation has
previously been the foundation of countless misunderstandings and
hurt feelings. I, thinking my husband must need time alone would try
to watch both kids and give him a free hour or two. He finally told
me, after months and months, that this makes him feel isolated and
bored and lonely. Isolated and bored?! Lonely?! I would give anything
for some time alone! I thought he needed it because I needed it; that
after a solid work week around other people he would want to be alone
and I should help supply that. Turns out I was all wrong and my
sacrifice was for naught! He misses his family while he is at work
and wants to spend the weekends actively engaged with us. Whereas I
spend the week more or less actively engaged with the kids and crave
time away.
He also has come to slowly comprehend
my need for space. He used to plan all these exciting adventures for
the weekends, dragging us here and there in search of “fun” and
wearing me out. I need space, not treks through Target! At first my
desire for alone time hurt his feelings. He didn't understand why I
wanted to be by myself. Of course I love spending time with my
husband, but after a solid week with two kids climbing all over me
and badgering me for attention and expending all my focus I need time
to recharge and calm myself. It isn't that I want to be away from my
family, it's that I need time to fill up my empty fuel tanks to be
with my family!
I would say this is the biggest thing
Brian and I have realized in our marriage in 2018. He has learned to
give me space and I am learning to draw near to him, and thus our
marriage grows. I wonder what 2019 will bring? Maybe a new baby? Hopefully more sleep.
