Being a mom to a baby/toddler is so, so
hard. It feels like nonstop work with a few pockets of rest. Rest,
for this mom (me) of 2 kids under 4, has to be carefully scheduled.
And I need rest, so I have to make sure to schedule it or I will
quite literally fall apart. On top of being a mother, I surmount
other obstacles. Like my husband working late. And our food
allergies—I have to do a lot of cooking. And, of course, on top of
managing a household, I have to try and teach my 3.5 year old
patience, kindness and the alphabet when I don't feel patient or kind
myself.
Through the years I have learned a lot
about managing my time. Practical advice for managing motherhood—or
you can call it tips for stressed out moms who need ideas. This blog
post will be full of the tips and tricks parenting has taught me
about, well, parenting. Motherhood is 24/7 baby, so roll up your
sleeves and dig in. This season is full of joy if you just know where
to look. And a little bit of discipline never hurt anyone.
That was the first thing motherhood
taught me. Discipline. I have never been what you would call
“disciplined” in my life. I used to quit things when they get too
hard. In school, I gave minimal effort when I felt like it, or no
effort when I didn't feel like it. I followed my whims and for the
most part (before kids) was content with doing what I could, when I
could. Or putting off what didn't appeal to me.
Motherhood, as I have said before on
this blog—hit me like a freight train. It only took one day for me
to become an anxious stressed out mess. When they placed that that precious 10 pound 6oz baby boy into my arms (that yes, I delivered
vaginally, may we pray for my nether regions) it's like I went from a
relaxed, happy wife to a irritable, cranky mother all at one moment.
It didn't help that I had an emotionally high needs baby who didn't
sleep and who had serious food allergies that I had to contend with,
on top of managing motherhood.
I've already talked about how that
first year was the worst year of my life.
But the second year something changed.
Well, someones. Me, and my husband and my son. We all adjusted. And
it wasn't something (at least for me) that happened naturally. It
took a lot of hard work as I gave up a lot of control, praying that I
would trust in God's plan, and accept his grace. Somewhere along the
way lazy me found discipline. And learning to be disciplined changed
my life. Changed my motherhood. Changed me from a sourpuss into a
planner, from a grouch into a willing servant, giving me the power
and the strength to serve my family.
What happened is this. I saw that the
dishes, laundry, floor, all needed to be cleaned. And if I put it off
today, it only grew worse overnight. And the bigger the mess, the
more I did not want to clean it and the more resentful my heart was.
Not only did I have these chores—but I had a small demanding child
to take care of too! But I also saw that my mood was lighter, happier
when these chores were done. When the house is clean I feel less
stressed. And thus, somewhere along the way I realized that 1) I
needed to clean because no one else was going to clean and 2) if I
did it when it needed to be done, it was less work and caused the
least amount of stress.
Being a minimalist is somehow caught up
in all my discipline. Because not only did I start to clean and
schedule chores to manage my time the best, I started to declutter as
much as I could so I had less to clean and organize. It's all one big
circle.
Somewhere a long the way doing what I
had to do became a romance, a machine of enjoyment, as I worshiped
God as I worked. I don't know exactly how or when it happened, but it
did. I think it might be a God thing. God working slowly on my heart
to help me be disciplined and to love the motherhood role he placed
me in.
So, discipline. And rest. I am
disciplined enough to get the chores done that I know I need to every
day, I am wise enough to minimize my tasks so that I don't feel
overwhelmed or stressed. (Okay, I still get overwhelmed and stressed,
but its a lot better than it used to be). And here is the thing:
discipline begets rest. When I get my chores done, I can rest. I can
take breaks between chores and I don't have to worry or feel stressed
about “all the things I didn't do” because I know the plan and
I've scheduled them out so they all get done.
It is a weight off my back for sure.
Now, when I say schedule—I don't mean
like I have every hour of every day scheduled out or even written
down. What I have is a loose handful of chores that I make sure get
done every week so that our house runs smoothly. My goal isn't to
micromanage myself. My goal is literally: can we can find what we
want where it is supposed to be?
So every day I do 1-2 loads of laundry.
We cloth diaper, and I wash diapers every other day, so the days I
wash diapers I do 2 loads of laundry. Every other day I do 1. This
way everything gets washed each week. Sometimes I do skip a day of
laundry, and then I just do 3 the next day...you get the idea. We
grocery shop on Saturdays, together as a family. I do the dishes
either after breakfast or after dinner if I don't get to them after
breakfast. Sometimes if I desire a clean kitchen for my anxiety, I
wash dishes in the morning and the evening. I love to wake up to a
clean kitchen!
I sweep the floor after every meal
because if I don't, Becky will crawl through the crumbs and make a
bigger mess.
Other chores, I do weekly or bi-weekly.
For example, I clean the bathrooms once a week. I wish I could do it
twice a week, but I just have not been able too. I vacuum every three
days, I change the sheets bi-weekly.
One of the biggest pet peeves of mine
is trash that is not in the trash can. Recipes, drive-through coffee
cups, disposable bags, wrappers for things we bought...I always make
sure to put trash directly in the trash. I don't let it pile up into
a mess, and I don't let the kids play with it. This drastically
reduces the clutter in my home!
Another thing I do is I am always
putting everything back where it goes all the time. Every time I walk
to the bathroom I pick up things I see out of place and put them
back. Like the VHS tapes under the TV. Becky loves to pull them out,
and I let her because it distracts her and is harmless. But then I go
back and fix them 2-3 times a day so it doesn't get totally out of
control. This concept may seem like a lot, but cleaning with this
method spreads the work throughout the day, and keeps me from
becoming overwhelmed by a huge mess as evening looms.
I have a disciplined daily routine too.
I wanted to make sure I took all my supplements, got to brush my
teeth (before Becky fell asleep on me) and exercised twice a day for
my blood sugar (I have borderline type two diabetes, usually called
insulin resistance). I get all these things done. It was hard when Becky was really little, but once she hit six/seven months meeting my
personal daily goals became easier. Now that she is one, I try to
make sure I brush my hair every day, but that sometimes does not
happen. Life with kids is what it is. I know when goals are
fundamental and when they are superfluous.
If you want to check out my other posts
in the practical advice for managing motherhood series, you can
below. #1 is Discipline, #2 is Letting Go of Control, #3 is Build a
Space of Calm and Peace, #4 Ask For Help and #5 is Love. All #1-5 are
integral to managing my day and enable me to (mostly) live a life
free from stress and anxiety. Motherhood is not an easy walk in the
woods by any means, and I am learning to gird my loins. Onward and upwards, weary travelers.
