I am all the bad girls in the Bible

me.

One night as I was falling asleep I thought to myself I'm not ANY of the good bible girls. I'm all the bad ones!! I immediately started chuckling to myself, because its true!! 

I relate so much to Lot's wife. Like her, I keep looking back at what I shouldn't. Except instead of the city of sin being behind me, its my child-free years I keep expecting to see again. Of all people in the Bible, I never expected to sympathize with Lot's wife, or to understand her-- but you know, if I had been in that position maybe I would have looked back too. It would have been my home. 

Instead of a pillar of salt, I was granted mercy. That's what I thought next. For all my neck-craning and weeping over my loss of "free time" when I sprouted babies from my womb, I should have been turned into a pillar of salt. Sin is death, right? And whining about God's blessings surely is a sin. I love my children, but I also mourn the changes in my life. Mourning and moving on is one thing; the pity party I throw myself over all the work I have is another.

I have always known I am the women at the well. I also was promiscuous in my early twenties, much to my regret. And God also saved me. Not in person, at a well--but he still offered me the water of life and showed me everything I had ever done. He knew me and my sins; I could not hide from him. And like the woman at the well--this is why I talk about my shameful past openly. Come and see, come and see a man who has told me everything I ever did.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:38-42

We can never forget Martha and Mary. These women have been held up as dichotomies to me since I was in middle school. A mere year ago I would have rolled my eyes at hearing the story rehashed. Here we go again. Another person is going to do the Martha and Mary bit. 

In the 90s in my fundamental church, it was always be a Mary and never a Martha. But I am a Martha, and thus I always felt judged or like I had to hide it. No one ever tells you HOW to be a Mary, do they? They just point out that good girls should and leave it at that.

Now that I am older and I understand Martha and Mary more, I see a lot in that passage that I didn't see before. And I accept that I have been both a Martha and a Mary throughout different situations in my life. Like her, I daily am distracted by all the preparations that need to be made. It is a discipline to clear my mind and focus on Christ in the midst of all this life that is going on; with small children and marriage and dishes to wash.

Yet Mary is an ideal I hold in my mind. What would it be like to be focused on christ so completely I had the wisdom to know when to work, and when to rest? And also, I am sure, she possesses the deep trust not to worry overmuch what she is wearing or what kind of lunch her children are eating or how dirty her floor is. Ah, to be such a woman.

In jest, I think that perhaps Mary was single and Martha was married. And she was stressed because of what Paul says.

"But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this...I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:28;33-34

Bah ha hah. It is great to end on a joke. But for sure, marriage is glorious and also, exactly as Paul states. 

What bad bible girl are you?

Please tell me. Unless you are one of Lot's daughters. That is some drama I don't need to carry.