I hate myself, and other complaints (mostly a vaccine rant)

Okay, okay. So I don't actually hate myself. But I do hate how I act sometimes. Why am I such a klutz? Why am I so awkward??! Why can't I be normal? I'm weird, and lately I have become this shy awkward girl in group settings which is totally not me!! It seems every time I open my mouth I say something even more awkward and everyone stares at me. 

where the tv used to be. this will have to be reworked

We got rid of our television the other day. We are in the throes of a media detox and no one is handling it well. It will be great on the other side. We will learn things. We will all grow as a family. But right now it sucks and I hate it. It have done "no TV" before but always quit, because the TV is, you know, still in the house. This time it is no longer in the house so I can't give up and pop in Totoro or Pepa Pig. Can I also tell you that it has rained for three days? We all are sick of each other and I have run out of crafts.

Send help.

I've been reading a book. It is called Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff. It's amazing. If you have parenting problems, read it. I'm only on chapter three; and its the reason we gave up the television. I can't wait to read more. The book promises to teach your children how to help with chores without being asked. Can I ask for more?? So far I have learned that American children have too many things, are shoved "education" in their faces from the time they are birthed, and receive far too many praises. In short our kids are WEIRD (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich and Democratic) and this is apparently a problem. The book promises to basically make tantrums disappear and sign me up for that, yes please. Becky is three and that is all I will say. I'm not even halfway though the book but I will be doing whatever she says while also praying because God always helps. 

Our dryer and air conditioner are still broken. 

I do love our family. And I love Ambleside online. I love dark chocolate and evenings spent playing Animal Crossing. I love reading The Five Little Peppers. We got to the part where the five little peppers experiance their first Christmas. I almost cried, and I definitely teared up. Christmas is a beautiful, wonderful thing and remembering the poor is humbling. We all should stop complaining and do more work to make this world a beautiful place for others. (I'm talking to myself here...) I need this book. My kids need this book. I love it.

Please pray for all those across America who do not want to receive the covid vaccine, as their jobs have been threatened. Vaccines should be a personal choice between your doctor and yourself. Medicine should never be forced, and as this particular vaccine only protects (creates antibodies) in the person who choses to accept it, so there is no ethicial grounds for forcing someone to talk it. Body autonomy is so important! The vaccine is available for those five and up right now, and I for one don't want it. With my autoimmune issues and my lyme, I don't think my body could handle it. And it makes me sad that I might not have a say, that my husband might not have a say (and he works completely remote!!).

He loves his job. Anyway, we don't know what is going to happen, if anything, because OSHA has not made any rules yet; but we are praying and trusting in the Lord and ready to stand up for our rights and the rights of many other Americans who also want medical freedom. 

Reuben is six. I don't want a vaccine with only a years worth of data and no long term studies to be injected into my son, with his sensitivities and allergies. I stand for choice. If you want the vaccine, go ahead and get it. But my health and your health are not someone else's responsibilities and definitely not the governments business. 

And yes, I do know there are bible believing Christians who have taken the vaccine. I know there are bible believing Christians who don't want it, like me, for many reasons from ethical, to religious, to medical. It should not be a divisive issue. We are all different, we can coexist, and accept each others firm beliefs. Don't let this issue tear us apart. Research, and make an informed decision for your life.

I love you all.

Reuben's Hat

A hat for my Reuben. He loves it! It brings me great joy to make something for my children every year.

He picked the yarn, from hobby lobby and I made the hat. 

Gloves

I made these fun gloves for fall, in a sky blue marbled color. I love them!! They may look odd but trust me, they go with most of what I wear and I'm already a weird person. Yay for no more cold hands! 

and life goes on...

I'm starting to recognize patterns in life; have you noticed any? For one, every few years it seems everything breaks in our house. This year so far we have had our dryer break (it still works but does not get warm) and our air conditoner bit the dust yesterday. Brian thinks he knows what is wrong with our dryer but can't fix it until this weekend (the parts finally came in, the dryer has been broken for two months now!) 

I have a good laundry routine; but it is very different than previous. I try to do two loads of laundry every time its not raining out, and this, so far, has kept the laundry clean. The clothes are stiff from being dried outside so we have made liberal use of our steamer. And mostly we are just wrinkled. Oh well! Unfortunately, now that the air conditioner is broken I don't think I will use the dryer even if it does get fixed. This because the dryer is in our bathroom and will heat up our house when it is already very hot!

The air conditioner broke yesterday as I said, and it was 89 degrees outside and 81 inside. Our poor fridge isn't liking it much and not only are we wrinkled, but also sweaty. It's not been too bad so far. My husband installed a window unit in our bedroom so we have one room that is nice and cool and it's been fine at night. 

Husband will be diagnosing the air conditioner this weekend as well and hopefully we can fix it. If we need a new one we will have to wait until spring of 2022, and that means a few more weeks of warm temps without it. People have lived without central air for centuries, so I'll be fine, but it has taken a lot to get used too. 

Anyway, during this whole time we have been reading The Five Little Peppers who only have brown sourdough bread (made without eggs, they can't even afford eggs!!) and potatoes to eat, so no one has been complaining about the air conditioner or the fact we have to dry our clothes outside. We all grin and cuddle close, happy to be a family that has food and Nintendo switches, and read another chapter about Polly and Ben in the little brown house. God is so good. 

Also, I think my migraine from a few weeks ago might have been covid? Two days later, while I was sitting in a busy restaurant, I realized quite suddenly that I had completely lost my taste and smell. After getting over the shock, we went home and quarantined for awhile just in case--but I wasn't ever sick, besides having a headache for three days, so I don't quite know. I have been fine since, but still have very limited taste and smell. I have started taking saint johns wort tincture and zinc to see if it helps. 

We also started the gaps diet again. I want to heal and I want to get through this diet. This is our third time starting and I hope to be successful--by that I mean make it though the whole two years!! So far, so good. The gaps diet puts almost all of my autoimmune and lyme issues in remission so its been nice to feel like a real human. It is easy to eat a perpetual diet of soup without any taste and smell.

We also started on Reuben's year one with Ambleside online, and its been going great! He loves it, I love it. It is the school for us and I am so thankful.

How are you all? Our days are filled with paper sloyd, clay modeling, math, geography, and violin. Have a great Thursday. 

Paper Sloyd Tutorials (bookmark, basket, pencil case)

More paper sloyd tutorials!! As always, you can download the book by Ednah Anne Rich here. Enjoy!! 

 

A hat for me that Becky took

I crochet this hat from Hello Happy (its called the Slouchy Dahlia Hat) and as soon as I was finished Becky stole it. I'm sure I'll get it back before fall. 

Fall hasn't started yet here but I am getting excited about sweaters and wool and knitting. Love you all!

Real Life (2020 Vlogs)

My autoimmune disease was out of control this week. I didn't talk about it in the vlogs, but it was a really hard week for me. This week we did a lot of homeschooling and I tried to knit and crochet in the quiet moments. God is good!

Reuben is really enjoying homeschooling, math, bible verses, and the small co-op we started. He is growing and learning so much!

It's fall (2020 vlogs)

We are chucking along. This is the first week of September vlogs, and I filmed two days! Homeschooling is starting to feel organic and not forced. This week I had a whole day with Becky to myself. It was WONDERFUL. Reuben had two and half years of just me and him, whereas Becky has always shared her mommy. She is kind and loves her brother, but one on one time with my sweet girl is healing, peaceful and fun. Reuben and Daddy went boating.

Hello, fall!

I had a three day migrane

I don't remember much from the three days. Wednesday, the third, was the worst day. I do remember every day thinking "It can't get much worse" but, it did. I was just a tad surprised to wake up Thursday morning in one piece.

me with crazy hair but on a good day

Today as my pain transitioned from a 8 to a 2-3 (out of 10) I have had a lot of thoughts about our school. We started the first week of August with the plan of doing 4 day a week with Friday-Sunday off. The first week we were all sick, we did school 2 out of the four days. The second week my sister was in the hospital with a kidney stone, I watched her kids two times, and because of the emergency we schooled 3 out of the 4 days...and over that week my grandfather, Papaw Daily, passed away. The next week I was in recovery from the previous two weeks and also grieving my Papaw who was an amazing person and is already missed so much. We did school 3 out of the 4 days. The fourth week I took on too much babysitting and burned myself out going too many places and also we had some other family drama with Brian's side...we did school 2, maybe 3 out of the four days.

In a whole month, I did not complete one week of school all the way through. So, I was DETERMINED this week to finally be. the. week. that we did our routine and things would fall into place. Only, I had a three day migraine and can't remember very much from the last three days, much less how much school
we did (2.5 out of 4 days according to my notes...) Is anything ever going to go right? And what am I doing wrong??!

Waking up from my pain coma caused me to deeply root around in my life and realize I need to make some changes. A lot of changes.

I said I was going to make school a priority in past posts (I said it was something I learned last year...) but I keep scheduling things during our "school time" and just thinking I will move school. And thus I don't get school done because....I'm too tired. Obviously I have not learned my lesson. Morning school needs to get done before we go out, have friends come over, do co-ops... because of my illness it needs to be the main goal of my day, with perhaps the secondary goal being "feed my family". If anything else wears me out, I suddenly cannot do school, and yes...you guessed it, I cannot feed my family. I have a serious illness and I need to stop acting like I have the appropriate energy of a 34 year old and begin living like the 80 year old invalid I really am. 

My plan is still to start Ambleside online in January if I can figure it out (lyme brain is the worst) but maybe I will just end up giving up and doing something else. Life after a 3 day migraine really puts things into perspective. 

Also, someone send me a card, please. It should read "congratulations on surviving your migraine." Make sure it includes confetti. I want confetti.  

Instead of a nice card, I woke up to mountains of laundry, kids who ate whatever their father gave them the last three days, and a lot of guilt. 

Anyway, going back to my thoughts on homeschool. Four-day-a-week schooling isn't working for us. Starting now, we will be changing to five-day-a-week school with the hopes it helps me actually get four days done. Goals. Another thing I am going to do is quit babysitting. I have been babysitting this adorable little boy (and sometimes his baby sister) but I need to pare down as low as I can. I will have to quit. It was so awesome before I had Lyme disease and migraines, but it isn't working out now that I am dealing with all this. Reuben will cry, this little boy is his best friend and also brings a lot of joy to our home! 

After this, I took a huge look at our schedule. We have Monday where I only have school scheduled. Tuesday is violin day, we go out to the violin studio for our lessons, and this is (besides school) the only thing I schedule for Tuesdays. Wednesday is our co-op every other week and also our bible study at church, and Thursdays is Trail Talks, and Friday is our playgroup. 

We can't do all this. It is sad, but we can't. I have decided to keep violin, not go to our church bible study anymore, keep our Wednesday co-op that is every other week (twice a month) and try to keep our playgroup on Fridays because Reuben's other best friend Zeb goes... and cut out trail talks, sadly. Even if I want to. Guys, I want to do all these things and more!! But this body of mine needs to bloom where it was planted and I am sprouting up chronic pain, migraines, brain fog and anxiety attacks. Also my husband works late and his idea of cooking comes in a box. He's an amazing husband, but I can't eat anything out of a box. 

He can only do so much, too. And while I want to spread a living feast of ideas for my kids, I also want to feed them food that nourishes their growing bodies (and my special diet keeps me functional lets be honest.) 

This is a season (at least this is my prayer...) Sadly, with the level of sick I am, it might be my last! I mean, no one is promised tomorrow but three day migraines really make you think.

The only thing keeping me here is my kids, my husband, and God. God is so good. 

I want to homeschool successfully, with kindness and integrity and I want my home atmosphere to be one of truth, beauty, and goodness. I also have a chronic illness, and somehow have to make all this happen while also battling the illness under my skin. Please remember me and our family in your prayers if you can.