Our first week back of homeschooling is going fairly well. We are detoxing from too much media time (we don't have TV but...during the great December sickness I did let the kids watch a lot of Daniel Tiger / Pepa Pig on the computer and occasionally play video games...) I really do not like employing media as an entertainment source but like any mother I have my flaws and weak spots. And having sick kids and a sick husband for three weeks made me turn to media. It's okay, I forgive myself. Which means, I am not going to let the mom guilt bury me.
Maybe I should make a post about why I don't like media? It really boils down to it makes my kids complain, whine and fuss, and sometimes cry when I turn it off. They can't regulate. We are a much happier family without it!
Also, on an unrelated-to-the-cold-front I have started making sourdough bread again. I know, that's so early-pandemic 2020 of me. But the kids have been enjoying my mistakes thus far as I navigate bread baking once again! Also, butter is delicious. Gaps diet, heal me soon!!
Beckys birthday is in two weeks. Did I mention that? She's going to be four. It feels like a milestone. She's so sweet and headstrong, I just love her to pieces but I wish she didn't hate every single thing I cook for lunch or dinner. Yesterday she disliked breakfast (eggs and sourdough bread) lunch (soup and rice) and dinner (tacos--usually she likes tacos but these had bell peppers in them). I told her I was sorry but this is what we are having, and braced myself for the tears and crying...usually its one thing she dislikes, but all three is a bit wearing for this exhausted mama.
Her whining gives me hives, I swear. Yes, all of the above is probably something I need to address parenting-wise, but it is what we are navigating at the moment. She equally finds my authority annoying? We are coexisting and I hope I am doing this right. At least I know I am reading her enough books. The child never wants to stop reading, and every time I try to get up she's brining me another book with that cute look in her eyes. She also wants to be outside and is sad that neither I nor her brother want to play when its twenty four degrees Fahrenheit outdoors. I realize that there are many other places in the world where this would not be considered a cold day, but bear with me. Here--this is a COLD DAY. I will say inside with my wool and my fire, thank you. We went out for a bit to do our nature journaling but this mamma wants all the blankets and some tea, thank you.
I feel mostly...unfulfilled lately. Like I am missing something. Many moments are so busy (cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, parenting) that when I do catch my breath I am left reeling from the climb of it all. I keep searching and reaching out to God. He is my foundation, my everything, and all else is mere paper idols. I just wish it would both slow down and speed up, all this hustle and bustle! Or that I had more arms. I feel like I am missing something, something I am supposed to be doing. What is it? I don't know either. Perhaps I just need more sleep.
Getting rid of Facebook and limiting my social media has helped me prioritize what is important to me, but it isn't enough. More must fall away, until only Truth, Beauty, and Goodness is left. Yes, I am aware I sound like the poster child for a Charlotte Mason Education, but it really is all-consuming.
The more I age and raise my children the more I notice how trivial the things of the "the world" are. Who can name a famous person from 100 years ago? 200? All that matters not, it is only a passing fancy. Fame and fortune distract from God as people look to the rich and forget to look to the One who made them. They strive after wealth and forget to strive after God.
I don't know about you, but I have become convinced that women joining the workforce en masse is a massive trap. For one it degrades the quality of the home and the lifestyle of the family unit. If I work outside my home, the chores and atmosphere (and also lets be honest the food) in my home is going to suffer and decline in quality. One person really is needed to fulfill this support role, I am a big believer that one person in a family should stay home and manage the diets and atmosphere of the home. In my family, this is me. I support my husband and make sure he eats healthy, goes to bed on time, and can do his job well--the job that in turn supports the lifestyle I cultivate. It is a huge cycle. Take myself out of the home and suddenly the cycle is broken and must support itself; it will not thrive or survive.
Many women want to stay home but have to work due to debt. It is sad that this is also a trap. I hope to raise kids that will not go into debt if possible. The government (and/or our culture?) has created this monster--we are told we have to have a job and a degree to mean something, to achieve something, so we do. And the home and our children suffer for it.
Why furthermore do women have to be just like men to be seen as successful and achievers? And why are men (the majority who used to work) seen as something we should strive for anyway?? After living this quite life staying home, raising my children daily and working hard at making our home a beautiful and relaxing place to live in--I can't imagine giving all this time and energy to another "workplace" instead of my home in exchange for money. What a cheap, unfulfilling way to spend my existence.
And who, then, would take care of my home? My children? My husband? Why, it and they would all fester and go to dust. There is goodness in working inside your home, it is worthy, it is wonderful and it is needed. Don't believe the lie that your energy is best served elsewhere, and don't try to serve two masters. It won't work. Having a job or a career does not make you anything. Fulfilling the role God made you for (glorifying him) is what will bring everlasting joy to your heart and is the only thing that will bring peace. Money, fame, fortune, are all idols--and yes, being a stay at home mom can be an idol and a distraction too!
This blog post is a lot longer than I expected and went in a entirely different direction. Head musings are wonderful things when I let them out, sometimes. I'm chewing on these thoughts, but I am seeing so much more of the degradation of the family in these years, and it is sad. The family needs support and without it, how can it stand under duress or tribulation? It cannot. Mothers and Fathers must dig the trenches and do the work or when the flood comes, there will be nothing prepared and all will drown.
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