It got Worse.

I just have to laugh. That is all you can do, right? Friday comes, everyone is excited because Brian has the whole week off and my favorite Aunt is coming not to mention Christmas and no one is going to be sick, right? Because everyone was horribly sick last Christmas and Brian's flu-or-covid lingered for about 5 weeks and even turned into pneumonia. That won't happen again, right? 

Brian came home Friday with severe gastrointestinal symptoms that we think is from the stomach bug. He put himself to bed right when he got home and he's basically been in bed since! He had a fever, thats gone. He now has a sore throat and his stomach is a bit better. I have been brining him water and food and it's just like last Christmas. I hope he gets better soon. He really is miserable and a few times I asked him if he needed to go to the ER, but he won't. Men.

Becky spent the night throwing up with the stomach bug. At first it was every 45 minutes. Then it was every 2-3 hours. She had trouble getting it into the bucket/toilet and we will leave it at that. She's six, poor thing! She woke up at 7am bright and chipper and she's been fine since, just a little bit of stomach pain which is understandable. 

I am exhausted. Esther rose woke up 3 times to ask for milk on top of all the Becky and Brian sickness wakings. I did SO much laundry today (stomach bug laundry) and so much EO diffusing (because of the stomach bug smell) and a little bit of complaining in my heart (which I now feel quite guilty about). I mean, people get sick! No one is doing it on purpose. But it is also hard to take care of everyone and everything. We watched too much tv and the well kid--Reuben this time--played too much video games, but that's life too? Mom guilt is the worst. 

My Aunt says she will still come Monday if we can pull it together tomorrow and be well, but I don't know if that is going to happen! I just feel so defeated and down. I wanted a happy family Christmas not another sick one! I know, we are a happy family and we will have a great Christmas regardless of who or what happens. I just had one idea in my mind and am struggling to adjust! 

God is good, and I am looking for reminders of his love and mercy and digging deep into my bible for strength. I need to straighten the living room, that always helps. And put on some praise music. 

Yesterday, this is what I texted my good friend (who we had just seen in nature group on Thursday). For context. And because...life.

I really hope I look back on 2024's Christmas and laugh a lot, because right now I feel much more like crying. 

Everyone is sick...twice!

Last Thursday Reuben started not feeling well. Becky and I soon followed suit and the past weekend was spent nursing our colds. We all felt much better Saturday night, and we all went to church on Sunday. But over the weekend we missed Vivians birthday party (she turned 10!) and also all our chiropractor appointments and a housewarming party. Sad days! 

I felt awful Sunday afternoon. It felt like autoimmune issues, no energy and bloated stomach and just an icky feeling. I did all the things, an enema with muscidine grape seed powder and resting. Blah. Sometimes I just feel this way. There was our small group Christmas party which is so much fun due to the white elephant gift exchange and the potluck dinner. The kids really wanted to go, and my wallflower Brian didn't want to go without me. I can sit on a couch anywhere and feel awful, right? Though, when I feel this bad I don't go out just because I am miserable and it's hard.

I went. I should have stayed home because I felt overwhelmed by all the noise and my autoimmune symptoms were terrible. Watching Esther in another persons house was impossible, I gave it over to my husband. But the kids had a good time and I enjoyed my salad. And I knew we had nothing scheduled Monday, so...worth it, right? 

I should have listened to my body and stayed home and encouraged my husband to take the two older kids by themselves. But, all's well that ends well! 

Eating homemade sourdough :)

Reuben woke up throwing up so it has not been the easiest relaxing Monday in my life! And poor Reuben. We have had a Monday of Mama feeling nauseous, Reuben chucking his stomach contents and Esther and Becky mixed up in chaos watching Bluey on repeat. Hah! Motherhood in the trenches. And God there in every moment. 

I haven't done any Christmas cards still. New years cards? Haven't thought about them. We will see what happens. I picked up chipotles for lunch today and am praying my husband does not start throwing up at work. He has a presentation in front of 100 people today and I can't imagine fighting the stomach bug in that process. 

Once everything seemed to calm down and I picked up chipotles for everyone...I popped on a movie to write this post. All three kids are currently watching Lilo and Stitch on YouTube. Christmas is in 9 days and I still need to find a present for my mother in law, mom and Aunt. My Aunt is arriving this weekend and I need to sanitize, clean and prepare. It's going so fast! I felt nostalgic and re-read our 2021 Sickmas Christmas adventure and our 2023 Christmas. Life IS flying by...I could only laugh as I read. God is so good. 

So many things have changed since 2021. I no longer feel like we need to move. I am comfortable in our own home and I love our new carpet! But oh, we were so sick in 2021 with probably covid or the flu or both and what a wild adventure that was! I'm so glad the whole lockdown/covid stuff can become a distant memory. 

So many things have changed since 2023. Esther is a whole person! She is talking in 2 and 3 word sentences and no longer a little baby. She's grown the most out of all of us. Reuben is 9 now and in fourth grade--he's done with form one (what Charlotte mason calls primary school) forever. What a milestone. Becky is in school and I am homeschooling two full time! It's crazy. How do I sleep? How do I cook? No one knows.

Brian is hanging up solar panels and I'm getting used to the idea that we never mow our lawn and our house looks like a mini tornado strewed toys/books/clothes around 5 days a week. Esther Rose is keeping me on my toes and I just don't have time to chase clutter and pick up the yard right now! I'm knitting somewhere in the margins of all this and did I mention I have a chronic illness? A full life if ever there was one!

opening some presents Brian's Aunt sent us from CA

I wonder what 2025 will bring. I wonder what this Christmas will bring. I thank God for our new-to-us 1999 van and Brian getting the whole week off next week and my Aunt being able to visit and hopefully seeing my mom... so many things to be thankful for. And January brings the back to homeschooling my two beautiful school aged kids while juggling a baby and my sanity.

God be praised.

Anyway, I read enough of my old articles on here to think I should print some of the memories off for the kids... I am quite silly. 

Merry Christmas! Eat a cookie for this diabetic who can't. 

Two Weeks Till Christmas!

Christmas is approaching! What a wonderful time of the year. We have already Christmas shopped for the kids and Brian got Becky and Reuben each an electronics kit and I got Becky and Esther a doll. We are having a small Christmas this year due to purchasing a 1999 van last month! But that is okay. Everyone will be happy and we will have a wonderful time as a family! I am so excited to see the kids open their presents and spend time with my mom, and my aunt who is supposed to come down! 

Esther keeps knocking over the Christmas tree. Nineteen months is wild!

I keep trying to make time with friends. I invited a friend over today to make cookies but her life got crazy and she couldn't make it. That happens! No shade. But I am so lonely and the kids miss their friends! So, I invited my mom over instead and we took the kids to a local gym to run around and play since it was raining and then we had lunch together which was super nice. I also was supposed to have an appointment via phone with my natural-path but she ended up having too many emergencies and some of her other appointments went long so she wasn't able to get to me. I was super bummed but tried to be understanding. Life happens! I'm currently making pizza for dinner and hopeful that daddy, at least, will be home on time! 

I bought new linen pants for myself for Christmas and I love them. They are super comfy and amazing and are great postpartum pants with a stretchy waistband! They are from EmmeMama--size up if you buy them, trust me. I usually wear and XL but after reading the reviews I ordered a 1X and they fit perfectly. By the way, if you click on their shop all they have a section where you can buy returned product for a discount, and that is what I did. You just can't pick the color. I got black, which I wasn't expecting, since that was what I wanted! They are awesome! 

Plans for the new year? Sleep train Esther. Do more yoga. Homeschool! Cook! Clean! Knit! Those are still my dreams. God is so good even as I travail these little, and big, years. Having a 9 year old and a 1 year old is wild. Life is wild and good. 

Been a Little Down

Well. Another year is about to come to an end! 2024! What a year it was. November was really rough--we had a miscarriage, my seventh. By having so many I experienced this weird guilt. I felt guilty for being sad! I don't get it. Since this has happened so often I should know what to do and it shouldn't bother me anymore. But that's crazy, right? It's also slightly humiliating that this keeps happening to me. But I know God is good and his ways are better, and I trust him! It is just hard. Seven little babies didn't make it into my arms, and that is so sad! Besides my husband, we didn't tell anyone but one close friend. I guess now I'm telling everyone? 

Another hard thing happened, my beloved step father had a heart attack--or, I am not sure of the correct name--and had to have a pace maker put in! It was obviously very scary for him and for my mother, and for his daughter and for my sister and I too--I'm so glad he was okay. I need to pray for him more! And my mom too. Sometimes life keeps going and I forget to do the little things. 

Brian worked a bunch of extra hours, and there is always stress at work. But the main thing that is keeping me down is the loneliness. With two in school now, my mornings are crowded with homeschooling. My friends are homeschooling. I barely get to see one friend a week. And as an extrovert this is very hard on me. I feel very isolated and have been struggling! I try to reach out but most people are busy, or our times don't overlap, or someone gets sick at the last moment. Previously I would text at least with my friends, but even that has gotten hard to keep up with. I'm not sure what God is trying to teach me, but hopefully this is a stage. Having friends with a debilitating chronic illness is hard enough--add in homeschooling, cooking from scratch and cleaning and I am surprised I have time to write this post!

My chronic illness is worse, and my natural doctor is too swamped to help. Which also is annoying, but I get it she's a real person too. I am trying some things myself and will see if I can find some answers. Sometimes I get so discouraged because one step forward is twelve steps back and I wonder if I will ever be well. Maybe I should just go on the gaps diet again. I'm not desperate enough for that again yet. 

Turning almost 40 is another head-wrangler. I look so different than I used to. My body is changing and it's weird. I looked one way for my teens/20s and a little different for my 30s and now 40 is looming around the corner and it's so weird. Some of my friends are becoming grandmothers and here I am with a baby in my lap! Wild. 

I know God is good and I am a fallen human struggling to make the best of what I have, and I lean on him. Good habits, routine--I know all the steps to help cope. 

My kids are amazing, annoying, wonderful and everything I ever wanted. I bet they would say the same about me in certain situations? Reuben has questions I can't answer, Becky wants to wear makeup and Esther is in full toddler mode! So many things happening at once. And here I am just one mother with a bible and an instant pot asking the world for a little more sleep.

Christmas is just around the corner. We got a new-to-us-van (it's a 1999) and Brian is hanging up solar panels on our front fence. What will be next? 

I started posting on instagram again @raisingforhim if you are interested in seeing some day-to-day things. Love you all!

Life is really Sweet lately

I'm exhausted. We are homeschooling, and cooking and cleaning and childrearing and resting and bonding. What a day every day brings! Slowly we are getting into a rhythm after baby. Right now I do school with Becky and Reuben starting after breakfast. Sometimes this is 7am. Sometimes it is 10am. Really different every day. Becky does school Mon-Thursday with a break on Friday! Reuben, now in forth grade, needs Friday school, but it's just him and me on Fridays. Also, we try to do something fun on Fridays to celebrate the week. Today we went to a coffee shop and played Rummycube when we got home, then the kids watched a movie (they chose Howls moving castle) while I nursed the baby for her nap. These are treats indeed on a Friday in the midst of our busy life schedule.  

pics from this last month: co op, a playdate,
and Esther's favorite activity 

Reuben is year 4, Becky year 1. For the first time I have had to modify a bid of the Ambleside schedule. Reuben has too many readings so we moved Robinson Crusoe to an audio book that he is not narrating. That's the only thing I have changed. Robinson Crusoe is very interesting and very long! We just got to the part of the shipwreck! I love Plutarch and Reuben is meh about it. He very much dislikes The Age of The Fable (TAoTF). To me, TAoTF reads like something I read in college. It is very dense! I like it. I can see why my 9 year old is challenged by it! 

It's crazy how something happens every week to get in the way of school that I have to deal with. Three weeks ago Brian was working 12 hours a day and worked through the weekend! The next week I had a miscarriage, it was quite sad. We didn't tell the kids this time. Why sorrow them? I was around 7 weeks and since we hadn't told them (or anyone) that we were expecting we just kept it mostly to ourselves. Then this week I was stuck with a horrible coughing sickness that gave me a concussion. Trials all around! God is so good and I am so glad I am still here and able to be with my kids. I am slowly getting better!

half finished cardigan I am making for B
and Esther being adorable

I am hopeful for a quieter November. 

I am currently reading the book The Wide Wide World and I love it. Never have I more wanted to yell at a character than I do to Fortune Emerson, Aunt to dear little Ellen. Ellen is 10 when the novel opens and has a loving, but chronically ill mother (don't I relate) and a distant and cold father. She is eventually sent to live with her Aunt when her mother must go abroad for her health. Oh, Aunt Fortune! I could give her a piece of my mind for sure! I don't like it when adults expect kids to act like adults and I hate it when adults treat kids with silence and cruelty. She does not love the little girl who comes into her care. Anyway, the book reminds me Heidi so far. I am halfway through.

What are you guys reading? How is life? God is so sweet and good. I am so busy, my family is amazing and we need more tea. Love you all and God bless.  

Books that are Similar to "Little House in the Big Woods" By Laura Ingles Wilder

When I google "books like _______" I get a bunch of drivel that isn't anything like what I want. Usually it's modern "sequels" or trashy hastily-written "period pieces" that are nothing like the source material. This is beyond frustrating! So, after reading A LOT of books, I decided to start making my OWN lists.

Here are some books I think are quite like the Little House series and that readers of Laura Ingles Wilder will love. To be added to this list, I have the following qualifications. 1) Written in or about the 1800 or early 1900s, with aspects of homesteading and prairie life. 2) Well written with as-life characters! 3) Similar in style or form to Little House. 

These are books that I think a reader and lover of Laura Ingles' writing will adore just as much. I did-- and my brain classes them together. Links take you to Thrift-books--not sponsored. Enjoy!

1) Caddie Woodlawn (great for kids too)

2) Bears of Blue River (great for kids) 

3) Christy (for adults only)

4) A Lantern in Her Hand (teens/adults) 

I will keep updating this post as I find more. Please leave a comment if you think you know of any similar that I or others should check out! 

Baby Pants

I made these beautiful baby pants for my friend Julia who is expecting a baby on the first of November.  Julia is a beautiful mother and wife--she has three lovely kids, her eldest son Zebulon loves playing with Reuben, my firstborn. She had a beautiful baby named Siloam who passed away in the womb last year--and now her new baby that is due in November has been diagnosed with possible downs syndrome. Please keep her in her prayers as she transitions into whatever role God has for her and this new life he has blessed her with!!! She and I have lost touch a bit due to her church moving an hour away, and her family joining a different co-op, but even as she and I go our separate ways a bit as we raise our families--I love her and still think of her daily. And she's still my best friend, and I hope I can be a good friend to support her in birth and life. 

I forgot to take a finished picture of the pants before giving them to Julia, so this is the last progress photo I sent her. But they turned out SO cute--little newborn pants--and I hope to make a 0-3 month pair for her before she goes into labor...next week maybe? :)

hurricanes, childrearing and (some) election thoughts

Homeschooling has been going smoothly until it's not. Oh my, I wish I could explain how much attitudes de-rail our homeschool. It is like the bad-attitude bug rotates through our family weekly. But I love modeling to my children that life is work, and there is satisfaction in that work. 

But how many times will I have to learn the lesson to leave school time for school time? I keep trying to do the dishes and listen to a narration or fold laundry while the audio book plays and my children follow suit and this distracted learning is not productive. I need a clean house to homeschool--at least that is my preference. A pile of dirty dishes or a messy living room screams at me while I am trying to read to the kids. Yet I need to focus and homeschool and clean later--the gentle feast of education is not meant to be multitasked. 

I deleted my Facebook during this election year. My mental health does so much better without Facebook and I hope I stay off it. This is my second time deleting Facebook so this is another lesson I hope I learn. I can't wait for the election to be over and for everyone in America to calm down. Anyone else just staying out of the election this year and trying to stay sane? I don't have enough sleep for this.  

Watching Florida and Georgia as Hurricane Helene looms. It's been raining here for the last three days (unrelated to HH) but probably related to the bad attitudes in our house the past few days. Being cooped up indoors all the time due to significant downpours makes everyone cranky. 

Well. I'm going to finish my tea (rooibos) and go play animal crossing with the kids. Life is good. I'm exhausted. And I'm so glad dinner is in the crock pot! 

My mom took this photo of me yesterday and I love it. 

My 2023 Sweater!

I made another sweater! This is the Weekend Pullover Pattern by Neringa Ruke. I love it. This is my 2023 sweater (it just took longer than a year due to pregnancy and postpartum). I love it! Oh, I already said that. It was a yarn de-stash sweater and I played (and won) at yarn chicken. Oh, I can't wait to wear this all fall! 

My first sweater was Elwood in 2019. (I no longer wear this)

My second sweater was Engle in 2020. I still wear and love this one!

My third sweater was Juniper Crop in 2021/2022. This one is a little tight--I gained some weight with my recent pregnancy/postpartum, but I can still wear it. Also, as you can see I used the same colors in yarn to make this sweater as my Weekend Pullover!  

And this is my 2023 sweater, Weekend Pullover. 

What sweater should I make next? I still need a 2024 sweater and time is running out...

Hats!

Every year I make my kids new hats. This year was no exception, though I did tell the older two that hats for them will stop for awhile because each of them has 3-4 hats now that fit! Here are the hats for this year. 

The kids love them. But I also wanted to make some with ear flaps for Reuben so I made this one too.

And then Becky's ended up not fitting so I made her a new one. 

The kids each picked their own colors and I made the hat. I hope they love them this fall and winter! Now to finish a sweater for myself and some little baby pants for a friend and maybe a sweater for Esther. Love you all!

Life with Three

Life with three, homeschooling and cooking mostly from scratch is wild. And I love it. And I get overwhelmed every day. I have no time for friends. I tried a garden this year but quickly abandoned it and have decided I will not garden until my youngest is 4. It is impossible. 

The older two did take over the gardening and we have been getting things out; tomatoes and squash and jalapeños and strawberries and snap peas...but they do it all. 

I quit the internet for a long time. It was good for me. I desperately needed to reduce the amount of things in my life. We also quit ballet. The last year and a half of ballet for my older two was so much fun, but the studio closed (the owner is moving) and we need a break. I also quit taking violin lessons. I need a break. I love the violin still but lessons, like gardening, will have to wait until all my kids are over 4.

I am busy every day. I have Reuben finishing up Ambleside Year 3 right now, we are on term 3. Becky just started Year 1 and Esther...Esther is either throwing a fit and asking for milk right in the middle of reading or climbing on something she shouldn't be on. It is a crazy time. There are dishes and hungry tummies and after school I made a pot of tea, shoo the children outside (or to their rooms) snuggle up the baby and try to read my bible. 

I turn 40 in two years. I have started practicing saying I am almost 40 to everyone who asks my age. It is strange to hear those words from my lips. My husband turns 40 next March. 

My chronic illness, that was in remission before my pregnancy with Esther is turbulent and excessively irritating. A few times I literally thought I was in my last week of life. I prayed and prayed--I want to see my children grow up. I want to be there when my babies have babies. I want to enjoy my golden years with my husband. 

Managing my health and continuing to homeschool has made a box out of my life. Most everything, from going places to grocery shopping, I need to say no too. But there is so much joy and happiness as I read to my kids and try to feed them good wholesome food-- and I have been trying to go to the natural path as often as we can afford it. I am on a ton of supplements. They are keeping me functional. I am on the keto diet again per my natural path's recommendations. I am trying to do all I can. I pray for healing and for God's strength through these lingering trial. 

Reuben is 9 now. He's begun the start of correcting his parents. We just laugh and let it go. He is very smart and has such a kind heart. He loves Minecraft, nature, climbing, origami and ice cream. Becky is 6 and she was so nervous to start school. She is a natural narrator and loves anything art; drawing and painting and perler beads. 

Esther is 1 and the gem of the family. She loves throwing her food on the floor and biting me while nursing. We all love her to pieces and I can't wait for her to sleep though the night and in her own bed! She is wonderful with her beautiful head of curls and intelligent eyes. 

That is really what life is like right now. Managing kids, homeschooling, knitting and crochet in the gaps if there are any. Dishes and laundry and trying to brush my hair and help Becky with hers. A crazy wonderful beautiful life, and I thank God for every minute of it. 

(Also, I did get my book back up and need to edit it...but its up now!)

So Mad at Myself

Reuben, who turns 9 in 16 days--wanted to read the book I wrote and self-published when he was 1 years old. Except I couldn't find it. Anywhere. No worries, I'll get on KDP and order an author copy. Expect I deleted my amazon account and that deleted my KDP account. My book is gone and has been for years. I didn't even know. 

Anyway, I am in the process of making an amazon account again and re-uploading so I can buy a copy for Reuben at least!

Ugh. 

Life is busy. I have no time to write or do much creative things. I try not to be depressed about it and just be happy my family is healthy and the sun is shining. 

Esther Rose Birth Story

I finally got around to editing Esther's birth video yesterday! She's amazing and adorable and I love her...this is how she came into the world...what I remember and what I experienced. We have loved having her as a part of our life for the past year and I can't wait to see her grow and change as the years come... love you so much my little Esther Rose. 

Random Thoughts on Books and Life

Spring is peeping around the corner. Yesterday it was 75f and boy, did we all love it. We were outdoors and in the stream (and pond) and the kids tried out their new waders that I bought them for Christmas.

We just finished reading the Plum Creek book by Laura Ingles Wilder, and I Have Thoughts. One, these books are a totally different experience as an adult. I just--my heart! The grasshoppers and the fire and the drought and the heat...every thing in that book makes me thank God for what I have and puts a lot of good perspective on my own life. I am not surviving off fish, turnips and potatoes. Those Ingles were made of sterner stuff. I am in awe. 

It also reminds me of A Lantern in Her Hand and that amazing prairie story. I hope I never have to go through anything like that, but also when I scrutinize my life: how soft and plush and excessive it all is. Also. Reading Laura Ingles greatly makes me want to write something similar about growing up in the 90s and eating orange push pops in July while coloring in my Lisa Frank notebook. Maybe one day I will. There is so much nostalgia and beauty in my childhood that I would love to capture it into words for my children, too. 

Laura is a gem. Pa and Ma were gems. I wish I could meet them. Instead I try to pull things out of a book that doesn't give me all the answers. Like, how did they use the bathroom during the 3 day storm? I bet going to the outhouse wasn't an option. Bed pans? And why do I care? But I do. I want to know. I'm glad they are not alive anymore--we people would bombard their serenity with all these stupid questions. They would have no peace!

I wish she had written a sequel to Farmer's Boy. 

I want to try one of Almanzo's mother's donuts. Did you know her name was Angelina? I am sad too--that Ma and Pa's line did not continue. I have three kids and I would be sad if I did not have any grandkids. Ma and Pa had only one granddaughter, Rose, and her baby boy died. God knows. He does, and he is enough--but still, it is sad. I know Pa's brothers and sisters had kids who had kids who had kids and their lines go on today. It has to be enough. I wish Laura's line had gone on though. It is so sad that Ma lost her little boy and then Laura lost hers and had to see Rose loose hers. How tragic and...crazy! 

These are just things I am thinking of today. Daddy is holding little Esther so I can write. I am supposed to go down. I just finished some brownies and they were delicious and I am looking forward to a relaxing evening before bed. Goodnight all, and Happy Weekend. It is strange to find time to write when usually I have none!

Esther turns 1 soon!!! So excited to celebrate her first birthday in May.

An Update

Well, it has been awhile. How is it March?! Where has the time gone? Brian was sick most of January with pneumonia but he is all the way better now. We are all doing well. I am an exhausted mom. 

Life has been so busy. Reuben is in third grade, Becky has piano and I have violin lessons. Both kids do ballet. We pick up raw milk and try to make it to our nature co-op. And see friends each week for play dates. Sitting down at the computer has not happened! Even home-school is hit or miss with a baby. We will be taking the month of May off for our summer vacation this year and spending it gardening! I hope to have a big garden this spring and summer. But June and July will be spent finishing up third grade. Becky starts Ambleside year one this fall and Reuben year four!

I did finally record Esther's birth story but I have not edited it yet. Hopefully I can some time before she turns one, and post it to my YouTube channel.

Here is a little re-cap of the last three months. 

The kids at UVA

In January we went to UVA to look at Reuben's nose and get some more scans. On the X-ray they were able to see that he has really large adenoids. We are looking into some natural healing for shrinking those. Praying for healing for Reuben! I went by myself to UVA with three kids and stayed in an hotel for two nights and it was crazy fun. We walked everywhere! The reason I ended up staying two nights is it snowed when we got there! We all had a fun mini vacation and I'm glad to have some answers for poor Reuben's lifelong condition of not being able to breathe through his nose. I got food poisoning the last night which was not fun. Brian was home sick still with pneumonia. 

In February Brian finally started getting better when our car died for a week. My husband had to push my car though an intersection. It was scary (very busy intersection) but I felt so loved that he was there for me. After he pushed, by himself I might add--our car--he had an asthma attack and I used some natural remedies to help him. And we both thanked God for, one, him being right behind me when my car died (he was following me home) and two, him being okay after pushing my car as he was still recovering form pneumonia. The car if patched up and we are saving for a van!

Esther at Becky's Piano lessons 

Now it is March, and we are resting, enjoying the last little bit of the postpartum season as Esther's first year comes to an end in two months. Esther is having swallowing issues and we have an appointment to see if she needs physical therapy. She probably just needs more time. She's breastfeeding like a champ and  growing so much! I can't believe she is 10 months. I almost have a toddler, you guys! AND I'm almost forty. This is crazy. 

In other news, Reuben decided to quit playing the violin. I am bummed, but what mother hasn't had unrealistic dreams for their children? He is his own person, and after 4 years of violin he can pick it up when he's older if he wants. I am still playing. It has always been my dream. 

Life goes on and I keep creating pockets of stillness for our family in the madness. We have a wonderful family and a wonderful life and I am grateful every day. God is good. I think this will be a slow year for blogging...and a slow year for many things in general. Love you all!

A New Year

This blog has come a long way since 2010 when I was twenty-something and desperately trying to get into art. The years have gone by since then, and they have been very kind to me. After art, I have blogged through a really hard break up in 2012, meeting my husband, and our marriage. Our struggles with infertility, my foray into YouTube and knitting and crochet consuming my life... the birth of Reuben in 2015 and Becky in 2018. Covid. Homeschooling. Chronic Illness and depression, anxiety and healing (emotionally and physically) and Motherhood, Christianity and dealing with lifelong chronic illness...and now, surprise babies named Esther who are amazing. 

This year I turn 37. I will be 40 in three years! It doesn't seem that crazy anymore. 

Do I have any new year resolutions? Well, I would like to deal with my stress and enjoy this year. Even with a baby, a 6 year old and a 9 year old.  It's possible, right? Who right now are 8 months, 5 years and 8 years but all have birthdays next year. Big milestone birthdays! Esther will be ONE! Crazy to think, this time last year I was four-ish months pregnant and miserable with morning sickness--the idea of having a new baby a dim uncertain cloud hovering in my future. Now she is here, adorable and crawling everywhere (a day before Christmas she started that) and next May she will turn 1. God is good. And Becky will be six in just 23 days. A first grader this August. Reuben will be 9 in July and his last year as a single digit! They are all amazing and I am grateful to be their mamma. 

I have gained a lot of weight. I need to move my body and stop sitting around all the time...it is hard in the winter. I am okay. Just fat. LOL.  It's true! But I try not to worry about it and just snuggle and baby, nurse, and enjoy life. I can lose the 30 pounds I gained later...maybe next year. Maybe not. 

I want to have a better quiet time with the Lord and enjoy my family. Those are my resolutions, because I really do have the best family. And I am grateful for each and every one of them... I am glad I got to spend 11 years of my life with Brian, 8 so far with Reuben, 5 with Becky, and an amazing 8 months with Esther Rose. 

Here is to 2024 and God's plans, not mine. Love you all.