Thoughts on 2024

In 2024, Esther grew the most. She went from baby to toddler, and the transformation has been so cute! She's over 25 pounds at 20 months old and wearing 2T--and it fits her just right! She actually needs some more clothes, all the 24 months and 18-24 things I have she can't wear. We are just cycling through the same 4 outfits! Hah. 

Esther in Jan 2024 vs December 2024

I don't really make new year resolutions anymore since having kids, homeschooling and keeping up with life is more than enough for me on the daily. If I had to come up with one, it would be make time to be more creative in my own personal life since that always takes a backseat to the chaos of my existence. I miss painting. I have made several necklaces that I haven't had time to post here and also a few shawls that I need to take pictures of and post! But I am a crafting fiend and always have at least 3 ideas in my head on the daily that just get shoved around until I forget about them.  

I love doing crafts with the kids. Esther has hit an age where I am able to craft more!! Hopefully 2025 brings some slow crafting hours to my busy mom days. 

Becky has grown a lot too. I have seen her go from the toddler-five she was when Esther was born and now next month she will turn 7. She is so helpful especially with Esther and can do a lot for herself that she couldn't do two years ago when I was pregnant with her little and much anticipated little sister. She's having some stomach pain that I hope we can find the cause of and cure in 2025. And I am loving doing first grade with her. Becky loves crafts just as much as I do (And Reuben does too) but she also loves drawing and coloring and her room is a hoard of snipped papers and discarded sticker backs! She's amazing and being her mom is everything I could ever want. I can't wait to spend 2025 seeing her grow and being a part of her life.

Reuben is hitting the tween years. He's so helpful and as the oldest child, authoritative. He will tell me when I'm wrong, and he will also tell me very matter-of-fact what he thinks I should be doing even if he is wrong. Hah! Nine is such a fun age. He's so smart. He remembers everything and has a million questions about the world, space, God, and quantum mechanics. I have fun googling with him but usually I just tell him to ask his father. I don't know what is brain is doing, but it seems to be on large amounts of caffeine that I am not feeding him. I need more caffeine. 

I am loving doing fourth grade with him. Reuben just learned to crochet this year and loves it, besides playing video games, assembling legos, making origami and concocting wild games with his little sister. He's so helpful at bringing me water. I can't wait to see him grow into a teen and young man in the next few years. He loves to remind me that it's only 6 years until driving! Good gracious. He just started reading chapter books like How to Train your Dragon and it's nice to see him cozy up on the couch with his reading glasses and a book. 

Next year he needs to go to the dentist, a lot. Pray we can find a good dentist close to us. 

Brian turns 40 this year which feels like a milestone. I'm so thankful for 12(?) years of marriage and I couldn't ask for a better father for my children. 

Here is to 2025 and all it entails. 

How are you all? Any new years resolutions? Have a great last day of 2024 and I'll see you next year.

A Unexpected Christmas

I wanted to name this post "Barfmas" because one of my kids did throw up in the middle of night on Christmas Eve around 11pm...Brian was up until 2 cleaning it up for the first round of cleaning! I woke up but held Esther who was inconsolable and unable to be put down. 

The smell was terrible. I fell asleep around midnight and got up at 6am on Christmas Day and did a thorough sanitation clean of the hallway, walls, and bathroom. Then I showered (thankfully Esther slept in and allowed all this cleaning) and started on a Christmas breakfast of fresh biscuits, sausage and eggs. It was delicious, even though this diabetic mom skipped the biscuits she made from scratch. I was saving all my carbs for chocolate eating later!

The kids loved their stockings and after breakfast we opened the Big Presents. And then we had the rest of the day to play and rest and enjoy each other. My favorite Aunt came down again and blessed us all with her presence--she's wonderful and a joy to have around. I miss her already. 

Becky got a play dough set from Reuben that she really likes. Reuben loved his Astrobot video game the most I think, and he also enjoyed the crochet Dino kit I bought him. Both kids got an electronics kit which they are very excited to work on with Daddy on the weekends. My Aunt gave Becky a make-your-own headband set that she loves and Reuben decorated his own mushroom terrarium! Oh, so many good memories. 2024 Christmas was not a bust. God always comes through, his ways are better then mine and his Glory always finds a way to shine though.

I've been playing Animal Crossing New Horizons like crazy. Anyone else play and want to island hop? I'll put my friend code in the next post, or leave yours in a comment or e-mail me at moonofsilver@gmail.com if you want to play along! 

We are winding down the vacation and I'm not thrilled for my husband to return to work on Monday. But we will make it through! Homeschooling starts up again next week as well and with that, all the return to normal. Bring on the last of year 4 and year 1 for Reu and Becks, with a baby Esther in the mix. 

It got Worse.

I just have to laugh. That is all you can do, right? Friday comes, everyone is excited because Brian has the whole week off and my favorite Aunt is coming not to mention Christmas and no one is going to be sick, right? Because everyone was horribly sick last Christmas and Brian's flu-or-covid lingered for about 5 weeks and even turned into pneumonia. That won't happen again, right? 

Brian came home Friday with severe gastrointestinal symptoms that we think is from the stomach bug. He put himself to bed right when he got home and he's basically been in bed since! He had a fever, thats gone. He now has a sore throat and his stomach is a bit better. I have been brining him water and food and it's just like last Christmas. I hope he gets better soon. He really is miserable and a few times I asked him if he needed to go to the ER, but he won't. Men.

Becky spent the night throwing up with the stomach bug. At first it was every 45 minutes. Then it was every 2-3 hours. She had trouble getting it into the bucket/toilet and we will leave it at that. She's six, poor thing! She woke up at 7am bright and chipper and she's been fine since, just a little bit of stomach pain which is understandable. 

I am exhausted. Esther rose woke up 3 times to ask for milk on top of all the Becky and Brian sickness wakings. I did SO much laundry today (stomach bug laundry) and so much EO diffusing (because of the stomach bug smell) and a little bit of complaining in my heart (which I now feel quite guilty about). I mean, people get sick! No one is doing it on purpose. But it is also hard to take care of everyone and everything. We watched too much tv and the well kid--Reuben this time--played too much video games, but that's life too? Mom guilt is the worst. 

My Aunt says she will still come Monday if we can pull it together tomorrow and be well, but I don't know if that is going to happen! I just feel so defeated and down. I wanted a happy family Christmas not another sick one! I know, we are a happy family and we will have a great Christmas regardless of who or what happens. I just had one idea in my mind and am struggling to adjust! 

God is good, and I am looking for reminders of his love and mercy and digging deep into my bible for strength. I need to straighten the living room, that always helps. And put on some praise music. 

Yesterday, this is what I texted my good friend (who we had just seen in nature group on Thursday). For context. And because...life.

I really hope I look back on 2024's Christmas and laugh a lot, because right now I feel much more like crying. 

Everyone is sick...twice!

Last Thursday Reuben started not feeling well. Becky and I soon followed suit and the past weekend was spent nursing our colds. We all felt much better Saturday night, and we all went to church on Sunday. But over the weekend we missed Vivians birthday party (she turned 10!) and also all our chiropractor appointments and a housewarming party. Sad days! 

I felt awful Sunday afternoon. It felt like autoimmune issues, no energy and bloated stomach and just an icky feeling. I did all the things, an enema with muscidine grape seed powder and resting. Blah. Sometimes I just feel this way. There was our small group Christmas party which is so much fun due to the white elephant gift exchange and the potluck dinner. The kids really wanted to go, and my wallflower Brian didn't want to go without me. I can sit on a couch anywhere and feel awful, right? Though, when I feel this bad I don't go out just because I am miserable and it's hard.

I went. I should have stayed home because I felt overwhelmed by all the noise and my autoimmune symptoms were terrible. Watching Esther in another persons house was impossible, I gave it over to my husband. But the kids had a good time and I enjoyed my salad. And I knew we had nothing scheduled Monday, so...worth it, right? 

I should have listened to my body and stayed home and encouraged my husband to take the two older kids by themselves. But, all's well that ends well! 

Eating homemade sourdough :)

Reuben woke up throwing up so it has not been the easiest relaxing Monday in my life! And poor Reuben. We have had a Monday of Mama feeling nauseous, Reuben chucking his stomach contents and Esther and Becky mixed up in chaos watching Bluey on repeat. Hah! Motherhood in the trenches. And God there in every moment. 

I haven't done any Christmas cards still. New years cards? Haven't thought about them. We will see what happens. I picked up chipotles for lunch today and am praying my husband does not start throwing up at work. He has a presentation in front of 100 people today and I can't imagine fighting the stomach bug in that process. 

Once everything seemed to calm down and I picked up chipotles for everyone...I popped on a movie to write this post. All three kids are currently watching Lilo and Stitch on YouTube. Christmas is in 9 days and I still need to find a present for my mother in law, mom and Aunt. My Aunt is arriving this weekend and I need to sanitize, clean and prepare. It's going so fast! I felt nostalgic and re-read our 2021 Sickmas Christmas adventure and our 2023 Christmas. Life IS flying by...I could only laugh as I read. God is so good. 

So many things have changed since 2021. I no longer feel like we need to move. I am comfortable in our own home and I love our new carpet! But oh, we were so sick in 2021 with probably covid or the flu or both and what a wild adventure that was! I'm so glad the whole lockdown/covid stuff can become a distant memory. 

So many things have changed since 2023. Esther is a whole person! She is talking in 2 and 3 word sentences and no longer a little baby. She's grown the most out of all of us. Reuben is 9 now and in fourth grade--he's done with form one (what Charlotte mason calls primary school) forever. What a milestone. Becky is in school and I am homeschooling two full time! It's crazy. How do I sleep? How do I cook? No one knows.

Brian is hanging up solar panels and I'm getting used to the idea that we never mow our lawn and our house looks like a mini tornado strewed toys/books/clothes around 5 days a week. Esther Rose is keeping me on my toes and I just don't have time to chase clutter and pick up the yard right now! I'm knitting somewhere in the margins of all this and did I mention I have a chronic illness? A full life if ever there was one!

opening some presents Brian's Aunt sent us from CA

I wonder what 2025 will bring. I wonder what this Christmas will bring. I thank God for our new-to-us 1999 van and Brian getting the whole week off next week and my Aunt being able to visit and hopefully seeing my mom... so many things to be thankful for. And January brings the back to homeschooling my two beautiful school aged kids while juggling a baby and my sanity.

God be praised.

Anyway, I read enough of my old articles on here to think I should print some of the memories off for the kids... I am quite silly. 

Merry Christmas! Eat a cookie for this diabetic who can't. 

Two Weeks Till Christmas!

Christmas is approaching! What a wonderful time of the year. We have already Christmas shopped for the kids and Brian got Becky and Reuben each an electronics kit and I got Becky and Esther a doll. We are having a small Christmas this year due to purchasing a 1999 van last month! But that is okay. Everyone will be happy and we will have a wonderful time as a family! I am so excited to see the kids open their presents and spend time with my mom, and my aunt who is supposed to come down! 

Esther keeps knocking over the Christmas tree. Nineteen months is wild!

I keep trying to make time with friends. I invited a friend over today to make cookies but her life got crazy and she couldn't make it. That happens! No shade. But I am so lonely and the kids miss their friends! So, I invited my mom over instead and we took the kids to a local gym to run around and play since it was raining and then we had lunch together which was super nice. I also was supposed to have an appointment via phone with my natural-path but she ended up having too many emergencies and some of her other appointments went long so she wasn't able to get to me. I was super bummed but tried to be understanding. Life happens! I'm currently making pizza for dinner and hopeful that daddy, at least, will be home on time! 

I bought new linen pants for myself for Christmas and I love them. They are super comfy and amazing and are great postpartum pants with a stretchy waistband! They are from EmmeMama--size up if you buy them, trust me. I usually wear and XL but after reading the reviews I ordered a 1X and they fit perfectly. By the way, if you click on their shop all they have a section where you can buy returned product for a discount, and that is what I did. You just can't pick the color. I got black, which I wasn't expecting, since that was what I wanted! They are awesome! 

Plans for the new year? Sleep train Esther. Do more yoga. Homeschool! Cook! Clean! Knit! Those are still my dreams. God is so good even as I travail these little, and big, years. Having a 9 year old and a 1 year old is wild. Life is wild and good. 

Been a Little Down

Well. Another year is about to come to an end! 2024! What a year it was. November was really rough--we had a miscarriage, my seventh. By having so many I experienced this weird guilt. I felt guilty for being sad! I don't get it. Since this has happened so often I should know what to do and it shouldn't bother me anymore. But that's crazy, right? It's also slightly humiliating that this keeps happening to me. But I know God is good and his ways are better, and I trust him! It is just hard. Seven little babies didn't make it into my arms, and that is so sad! Besides my husband, we didn't tell anyone but one close friend. I guess now I'm telling everyone? 

Another hard thing happened, my beloved step father had a heart attack--or, I am not sure of the correct name--and had to have a pace maker put in! It was obviously very scary for him and for my mother, and for his daughter and for my sister and I too--I'm so glad he was okay. I need to pray for him more! And my mom too. Sometimes life keeps going and I forget to do the little things. 

Brian worked a bunch of extra hours, and there is always stress at work. But the main thing that is keeping me down is the loneliness. With two in school now, my mornings are crowded with homeschooling. My friends are homeschooling. I barely get to see one friend a week. And as an extrovert this is very hard on me. I feel very isolated and have been struggling! I try to reach out but most people are busy, or our times don't overlap, or someone gets sick at the last moment. Previously I would text at least with my friends, but even that has gotten hard to keep up with. I'm not sure what God is trying to teach me, but hopefully this is a stage. Having friends with a debilitating chronic illness is hard enough--add in homeschooling, cooking from scratch and cleaning and I am surprised I have time to write this post!

My chronic illness is worse, and my natural doctor is too swamped to help. Which also is annoying, but I get it she's a real person too. I am trying some things myself and will see if I can find some answers. Sometimes I get so discouraged because one step forward is twelve steps back and I wonder if I will ever be well. Maybe I should just go on the gaps diet again. I'm not desperate enough for that again yet. 

Turning almost 40 is another head-wrangler. I look so different than I used to. My body is changing and it's weird. I looked one way for my teens/20s and a little different for my 30s and now 40 is looming around the corner and it's so weird. Some of my friends are becoming grandmothers and here I am with a baby in my lap! Wild. 

I know God is good and I am a fallen human struggling to make the best of what I have, and I lean on him. Good habits, routine--I know all the steps to help cope. 

My kids are amazing, annoying, wonderful and everything I ever wanted. I bet they would say the same about me in certain situations? Reuben has questions I can't answer, Becky wants to wear makeup and Esther is in full toddler mode! So many things happening at once. And here I am just one mother with a bible and an instant pot asking the world for a little more sleep.

Christmas is just around the corner. We got a new-to-us-van (it's a 1999) and Brian is hanging up solar panels on our front fence. What will be next? 

I started posting on instagram again @raisingforhim if you are interested in seeing some day-to-day things. Love you all!