Small Shawl - Green Peas

I finished this shawl in 2024, but here we are. I am calling it green peas and I love it! This color of green and yellow goes with everything and it's cozy and warm. I even threw it on Esther at church once and it was super cute. I made the pattern up so I could work on it while nursing and in between all the motherhood and housework. 

It's made of wool and alpaca, and the alpaca makes it really soft for your neck.

It came out great and I am very happy with it! I need to wear it more. Accessories are hard when you are a mom of a toddler. 

Christmas Shawl

I wanted a shawl to wear at Christmas, and I wanted it to be BIG. Well, I got a good medium size before I gave up--it was a week before the holidays and I was tired of knitting on it. I was also running out of yarn. I decided to massively block it which helped make it a little bigger. 

I made this pattern up myself. I did purl color work rows for the first time! That was crazy, but by the end of it I got quite good. 

I don't like these pictures...it is so hard to get good pictures as a busy mom. Well, my son, who is 9 took the one below but the thing I don't like about it is the messy floor in the house (and my wrinkled dress) LOL! Not his fault--he's a great photographer, I'm a hot mess, and this is just my life. I love my life, but it does come with wrinkles of all kinds and messes, too.

What should I make next? A sibling. A little sibling for Esther? I don't know if that is a good idea, but we are trying. Here is to baby number four at the end of 2025, lord willing! I think it will take until 2026, and I'll be having a baby in my 40s. Which is kinda crazy in an of itself. 

I need to do more hot yoga. 

Becky Cardigan

Finally getting around to taking some pictures of Becky, age 6, wearing the cardigan I crochet her! Isn't it cute? This is the Granny Hexagon Cardigan by Amytdesigns. I love it, very much, even if it was a LOT of repetition. It's done, she loves it, and I think it will fit her at 7 too!

Wearing

Just a bunch of pictures of Esther wearing things I made her. I can't keep up with Reuben (9) hardly at all anymore when we are outdoors, and with chasing the toddler I forget to take pictures of the older two often! Life.

Birthday Thoughts

There's been a lot of introspection in my heart this week. Does my house really need to be clean? Granted, it makes me really happy. But is the expectation that everything will be put back where it goes and that daily my house will be orderly make anyone but me happy? Am I hurting my family with my constant and incessent need to tidy? It is an overpowering urge. I think it is half my controlling nature and half that our living room, dining room and kitchen are all one room. And maybe half that we are at home a lot and use our space a lot and half that everything is just more efficient when tidied. But I am learning to let go a bit. I have a toddler, a 6 year old and a 9 year old. I like books and crafts and I bake and cook from scratch. Things are going to get messy. And that's okay.

We are all still sick. But on the mend. Two of us are mostly better (the boys) and three of us have gnarly coughs (the girls) of which I am the best of. We missed piano today. I am tired. Everything is dry and my face hurts from blowing my nose. We are watching too much TV. But that's okay. 

We did a little bit of school today with all the sick and I made two meals but couldn't make dinner. Well, I did make a fresh loaf of sourdough bread, does that count? It was eaten with gusto by everyone but one child who does not fancy sourdough bread and had a bowl of cereal instead. I guess that's okay? I'm too sick to feel guilt. 

I'm getting excited about my birthday this weekend (it's on Friday but we will celebrate over the weekend when hubby is off work) I'm going to attempt cake if I feel up to testing my blood sugar, but I might just make sourdough chocolate bread. I'm not sure yet. It's my birthday so...it's fine. I do better with sourdough in terms of my diabetes so it might be a safer choice if I don't want to feel tired from high blood sugar. 

My birthday present to myself came! I bought myself this pretty moth sweater I saw on Etsy. I will say I was slightly disappointed. The model in the picture seems to be wearing a XS or S, and I assumed the design would look the same (large) on the XL I bought. The design is the same size as on the S the model is wearing, it wasn't scaled up for the larger size. Thus the moth motief looks a lot smaller on me than I was expecting. But it's still very cosy and very cool looking, so that's great, right? 

Brian is working late tonight and I'm going to read a book. Bye!

I can't believe it.

Esther has croup. Someone has been sick in this house since two weeks before Christmas! I am so over it. Poor little Esther. We also got more snow last night, but in my area it mostly melted today so the roads should be fine, which is a relief if I have to take Esther to the doctor. But the big kids went sledding with Daddy outside for three hours.

Around dinner time, my husband announced that he is getting sick too. So please pray for us that we can shake off these reoccurring, back to back illnesses and all get better! And that hubby could get better quickly because co-parenting is so much better than caring for a sick husband and child and doing it all myself. It really is hard, even if my family is a blessing. 

Esther lately has been obsessed with 'washing hands'. She would literally wash her hands all day if I let her, and in true toddler fashion she can now carry her little chair around and get to the sink all on her own, the cutie pie. We finally got her some new, warm, well-fitting clothes and she is just a ham. 

I am exhausted from all the sick. God is so good and I am trying to meditate on him through this difficult season. This is both mine and Becky's birthday month and so far all I have been doing is reacting and caring for the sick people! I guess God wanted me to be focused and busy this new year. 

Maybe we all need daily vitamin D. I'm sure it's in our multivitamin we take. It has to be right? I'm going to go check. 

Bluey Break

Esther just woke up from her 1.5 hour contact nap and I need a break. Bluey to the rescue! Also I gave her a chocolate truffle. She's happy as a clam and I am getting a half hour to myself. I took this time to order size up shoes for Esther and a book for Reuben and am writing this blog post. 

2025, I have so many wishes. Crafting and spending time with my kids. Long afternoons reading with and without my children. Board games! Drawing, painting, jewelry making. And I would love to have some extended talks with my husband about everything under the sun. 

And decluttering. Cleaning. Homeschooling. Life.

We've been sick again. That weird migraine/flu thing came back for 24 hours and I was legitimately afraid.  Becky was doing well with it but Reuben was bed-bound and crying for some of it and it was breaking my heart. There is nothing like seeing your poor kid in pain and not being able to help them. I mean, I was trying. We did a herb bath, cold compress on his head, naps, resting, vitamin C and other supplements that I know are good for the flu and homeopathic remedies. This was the day it snowed and iced like crazy so we honestly could not get out even if it was an emergency--and it wasn't an emergency, I was just so sad to see him so sick. He felt better by the end of the day and was 90% to normal today. God is so good--and it is hard to trust him through the trials, especially with my babies. But my babies belong to Him and are gifts of God from his hands of mercy. I am so grateful for my three blessings that I get to raise for as long as God has plans for us. His ways are good.  

I'm so glad Becky, Reuben and Esther are healthy this morning. I'm so glad our electricity didn't go out during that storm. I am so glad we were able to stay warm and comfortable even if our heat pump broke from all the ice (Brian will fix it this weekend). What a crazy whirlwind. We made it out to Piano today and the roads are fine. I have more errands to run tomorrow and Thursday and will keep hoping for ice-free freeways. 

Here is to the weekend, the gym, and resting with a cup of tea and maybe some knitting. 

I think we are having cereal for dinner. 

Oh my Gosh

The new year hit like a bang. It's always something, right? We went to our church's new year party from 7-9 and that was a ton of fun! I didn't know how long we would make it with a one year old whose bedtime is 7:30pm, but Esther actually took a late nap that day and was fine. It was great to fellowship with friends and bring in the new year together, though we were the first to leave (well, another couple left before us but they were not going home, they were going to another party, so I don't think it counts lol).

I woke up to sick Esther. She had a fever and was covered in spots. When I say spots, I mean spots! 

90 percent of her body looked like this or worse. I don't know if it was roseola or fifth's disease but baby girl was miserable for all of January 1st. She woke up normal on the second but still covered in spots. Her spots are finally clearing up today, January 4th, and she's back to her cute and energetic, though speckled self. On the 2nd around 3pm both my older kids suddenly came down with migraines. Reuben had a headache all day but it ramped up and nothing I was giving him was helping. He put himself to bed around 7 (super strange for my night owl son) and I was worried about him--he was not acting right and seemed very sick. Becky followed suit. I gave them meds for the flu and both of them slept through the night and woke up with only a cold on the 3rd. They are both fine now except Reuben has a sinus infection. 

I, however, am exhausted. Esther isn't sleeping well the last few days (probably whatever she has) and with her and the sick on/off kids and you know, all the other millions of things I do--its just been a week even though it's only been four days of 2025. 

God is good. Reuben and I have been reading through Samual in school and we are at the part where Saul becomes king and I've never been so introspective in my life. I mean everyone wants to be David who is the man after God's own heart but I think I am way more like Saul who does what he wants and ignores God's precepts and rules. I am always ready to justify my own sin just like does. I feel so sorry for Samual who tries to point Saul to what is right. I have been meditating on that verse where it says Samual stayed up all night crying to the Lord after he found out Saul did the sacrifices himself and did not obey God's commands. What parent hasn't felt like that at least once in their kids life? We want so much for our babies to love and honor christ and to become more like him and it's agonizing to see them struggle and fail. I think that is what Samual was going through. He loved Saul and really wanted to see Israel flourish under his rule and to see God glorified and all Saul does is lie and chase after his own fame. And poor Samuel didn't even get to see his own kids love the Lord. It's all just sad and so, so real. 

I never thought I would relate to Saul. I hope I can really dedicate myself to the Lord and not half-half anything so important as that. My soul is worth more, my kids are worth more, and God is worthy. 

Esther Rose is in full toddler meltdown mode today and I ran upstairs to write this and I'm listening to her cry and fuss a bit at daddy who is trying. Trying to do what, I do not know, because I am up and he is down but I can hear some of it. Sometimes it is hard to let him parent when I think I can do it better or I think he's doing it wrong but I am touched out! 

I wish my husband could read my thoughts. It would make life so much easier because somehow translating my thoughts into words confuses him. Why can't he ever hear what I am saying? Why is communication so hard? I sure don't know. I definitely have high expectations which doesn't help. 

Next November will be 13 years of marriage. 

It's supposed to snow tomorrow!

Becky played the piano today and it was beautiful.